confined at home again today. was running a temperature last night. woke up this morning with a prickly throat and a head too heavy to be lifted from my nest. tis the forth time this month i've succumbed to various physiological discomfort that has warranted medication, which brings me back to my point about feeling like an invalid. didn't realise the severity of this frequency till just. this just goes to substantiate rach and vics' comment about me looking weak. oh well.

yup. finally changed my layout. think it looks alot cleaner and sanguine compared to the previous. don't you think? well... guess i wasted enough of my day. shall return to pw and chinese now.

ok. so i've given up on remaking this page.
just like i've given up on so many occasions cos i'm just too tired to persevere.
i'm utterly indespicable.

school has leeched me of so much of my energy that now i'm nothing more than a... than a... crap. i can't even think right. feel like such an invalid. seems like the only thing i'm good at right now is sleep. and eat. and sleep somemore.
i'm utterly indespicable.

had a really great time at my class' chalet. was playing in the sea for about 2 hours under the scorching mid-day sun with huiqi, suhan and yang. it was really fun just bobbing around, hijacking the waves and getting sand in my clothes. after that, went bowling. well... sort of. kinda lost touch with the ball after not playing for so many years and my elbow and wrist started to hurt quite abit again. oh well... went cycling after that. tis the first time i actually managed to cycle from one end of east coast to the other and back! woohoo! major achievement for me. now, my dierierre hurts, and my knees are squeaking and the funny feeling between my right tighbone and hipbone is back again. anyhow, it was good fun. :) didn't play any mahjong this time round. spent most of the night in the bedroom playing cards and basically talking cock with the rest. haha... i love chalets.

was back in school at 8 this morning for the cca leaders workshop. think i humiliated myself during the presentation but wth. spent half the time trying not to doze off. the food wasn't all that appetising either. only thing good bout the workshop is the enrichment pt they decided to give us for turning up. haha. ok. maybe it was a little beneficial. we actually got to know what kind of problems the other ccas were facing, besides the ALMOST unanimous agreement about the lack of funding and the pros and cons to the ccas going independent and merging with the chinese high will bring. met the rest of the exco to prepare for open house. felt like we were in a trench of shit cos we hadn't even cheorographed half the dance yet, and we have less than a week left before open house. after a while, our 2 dance i/cs got so tired out, one went to sleep while the other decided she needed a break. went down to venezia for ice cream. guess what? tis my second time down at 6th avenue since i came into hc, and the first time i've ever stepped into venezia. am i slack or am i slack? anyway, met sansan there. thank god we met her! now our item for open house isn't in such deep shit anymore. all's well that ends well. i hope. :)

the promos are finally over! dun intend to devote this whole entry to it though. it only warrants a mere mention cos there's really nothing i can say about it until the results are out.

met rong after school today. watched seabiscuit at cine. the show was really really good. could relate to it in so many ways. it was a tad idealistic, but still enjoyed it anyhow. lots of quotes from shakespeare, dickenson and other pre 20th century authors were scripted into the film. see, that's why you should study lit. can better appreciate its aesthetic value. feel fueled to read english novels now. top on my list at the moment is wuthering heights, the complete and unabriged version. geez. wonder when i will actually graduate to the 5th chapter. read the adapted version in primary school, but reading the actual one puts things in a whole new perspective.

k. actually i still have lotsa things to pen, but that will have to wait for another time. gonna be busy for the next few days with chalet, cca and church. i'm currently working on a new template for my blog too. hopefully it'll be out before i chain myself back to my books to study for chinese. till then.

quote of the day: "he's just so beat up running in circles he's just gotta learn how to be a horse again" - seabiscuit-

this pic is so awfully cute and innocent! quite unlike me tho... *evil grinz*

You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're
an Angel!
Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did
you always
behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the
hell outta
people with your attitude, but no doubt your church
is real happy
with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the
negative,
after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do
charity work.
Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You
just make the rest
of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the
rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra
cookie or something.
However - congratulations on being the most pure,
of the entire human race.


?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

a fresh new page
a leaf untouched
so much to say
where do i start?

the sky lights up
the birds awake
the world moves on
which path to take?

that cloud
the sky
i reach
i fly

i fall
in vain
retreat
in shame

the tree branced snaps
the leaves pined down
the birds fly off
alas, no sound

the sun still sets
the moon still glows
and waves still crash
and time still flows

a bud unfurls
the crick't laughter
a state of art
the morning after

still scars remain
long after the pain

yet fl'wers bloom brightest
after the rain

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla


erps ;P

sometimes i think i worry too much.

quote of the day: the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

i can feel my teeth now the braces are gone!
there are no obstacles in my way... (not in the form of braces that is)
dun have to worry bout food getting stuck now that my braces are gone...
its gonna be a bright, bright sunshiney day...
(sung to the tune of I Can See Clearly Now by Anne Murray)

well... couldn't think of anything else to replace that last verse, but wth... it was quite bright and sunny today anyway... lalala... spend 1 hour plus at the orthodontist's today getting my braces out... have no idea what she was doing shining some LED stuff into my mouth. well... actually i'm not very sure what exactly it was... that was all i could catch from the corner of my eye. then the nurse made me put on a 0.5mm lead coat when i took an x-ray (while getting my braincells fried at the same time. i'm quite sure i felt something funny going on in my temples when the carbon thingy stopped rotating at my right temple. haha... ok... mebbe i was just bored. anyway, got my retainers today. super uncomfortable... oh well... think i'll get use to it soon. good thing is that i can take them off whenever i want to. (something new to do to keep me awake during lectures. look ma! no hands!! ;P ) supposed to wear them on 24 hours or else my teeth will start shifting back... very tempted not to but since i've already invested so much, must not let all of it go to waste. :) even if it means sounding like daffy duck for the next few months... oh well... its all in the name of vanity. haha.

anyway, 2 really interesting things happened on the way home today. interesting thing number 1. the 156 bus that arrived at the bishan mrt bus stop had NOBODY on it! is that perculiar or is that perculiar? haha... think it just came out of the depot, but still a completely empty 156 at 7 in the evening is a rare sighting indeed. interesting thing number 2. saw a really pretty sunset when i was walking home today. haven't seen one as beautiful in quite awhile. it wasn't all that magnificent. it was more of a quiet beauty. the whole sky was a deep velvet blue with a few clouds strung across. then in the horizon the blue blended into sea green and finally the yellow, disappearing behind the roofs of some terraces. the silhouette of the rustling leaves of a solitary palm tree pasted in front of the row of terraces completes the serene atmosphere. the cry of a lonely cricket could be heard over dinnertime sounds. the whole estate just felt so... magical. i love my neighbourhood. :) its so rare nowadays to get intune with nature. i'm usually so consumed in my own thoughts that i fail to see the beauty of simplicity around me. hmm...reminds me of that song gary played over his laptop "there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me..."

quote of the day: what you have is God's gift to you. what you become is your gift to God.

i'm FINALLY taking off my braces tomorrow!! woohoo! after 2 freaking long years, 5 months and...lemme see... 4 days (counting tmr). muah haha!

ok...now on to something more serious...
right now i feel like digging a hole in the ground and burrying myself for good. really hate it when i say stuff that i shouldn't say, and even more so, have no right to say. i'm really sorry you. sigh. feel horribly guilt-striken right now. i remember back in p2, i said something real horrible (or at least i tot it was horrible back then tho saying it right now would not yield any repurcussions, i think). didn't mean it at all and i felt really horrible after that. apologised profusely and she said it was ok. but almost a decade on and i can still remember every single second of it. met her again a few years back. she was (and i bet still is) as pretty and sweet as ever and i was just overcome by remorse and disgust for myself. asked her whether she remembered how we used to play during recess way back in p2 and she only remembers the good times we spent playing catching and five stones and throwing coins into the grotto at the sacred heart. asked her if she remembered that fateful day and she says she has no inkling at all. sometimes i just feel i do not deserve the wonderful friends that i have made over the years. believe me. i love you guys all so much. i couldn't bear to hurt anyone.

on the flip side, sometimes i really hate myself for stuff that i should do but fail to. shall not venture into the explicit details lest i bore you. shall continue wallowing in pw and tuts now. and no jae... i am NOT a freak. thank you very much.

hmm... think my blog is far too wordy. think it needs a major facelift. but not now. seems like my well of inspiration is running dry. guess this place will have to remain dormant for awhile more until the creases of my not-so-mundance-at-this-point-of-time life has been iron out.

capturing fleeting spurts of inspirations, like the wind sweeping amber leaves into its embrace and dropping them onto the concrete pavement; like the wind, sometimes warm and refreshing, yet sometimes cold and biting. such are the winds of life, sweeping you off your feet and bringing you on unknown voyages beyond your wildest imagination. and you know you cannot resist it no matter how hard you try. its wuthering is exceedingly overwhelming.

been feeling down and out lately. or rather, finding myself devoid of all emotions would be more apt a description.

had my piano exam last thursday. totally screwed it up. think it's the worst piano exam i've had in my life! and it had to be my grade 8 exam. sigh... having a recital practice this afternoon. supposed to play my 3 exam pieces, but every time i think about it, my chest just tightens as i try to shove the memory of the exam into the darkest corner of my mind. but everytime i look at the piano, everything rushes back up to the surface again.

attended a charity concert at the victoria concert hall last night. felt honoured to be amongst distinguished guests ie, His excellency, the ambassador for Japan, Dr Keith Goh and others from the noble medical profession. the programme was alluring. really looked forward to an evening of melodious masterpieces performed by both local and foreign talents. had the honour of listening to our local child prodigists keagan ng and see ian ike play on the piano and violin respectively. was extremely captivating. the item that really stole the show, however, was the duet by 2 Japanese pianists. as i closed my eyes and let the crisp yet flowing melodies of both parts overright my senses, i could not help but imagine myself on the piano stool, just letting my fingers and my emotions take over the keys. i imagined my fingers dancing weightlessly over each note, my body pulsating to the rhythm of the piece. i reminisced my performance in previous concerts. the anticipation, the nervousness, the relief. the applause. then all of a sudden, the dream just came crashing down, shattering upon the hardness of reality. all my imaginations, my mindless imaginations, could only remain as dreams cos of one solitary exam. and as i sink into my seat, my eyes fixed staringly at the pianists on stage, i could only berate myself for my complacency and wild fancies.

the music became just lines on the scores, merely notes to be hit at the appropriate time.

one more month of anxious anticipation before the time of judgement.

the music of the night from the musical the phantom of the opera

night time sharpens heightens each sensation
darkness wakes and stirs imagination
silently the senses abandon their defences
helpless to resist the notes i write
for i compose the music of the night

slowly gently night unfurls its splendour
grasp it sense it tremulous and tender
hearing is believing music is deceiving
hard as lightning soft as candlelight
dare you trust the music of the night

close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
and the truth isn't what you want to see
in the dark it is easy to pretend
that the truth is waht it ought to be

softly deftly music shall caress you
hear it feel it secretly possess you
open up your mind let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which you know you cannot fight
the darkness of the music of the night

close your eyes start a journey through a strange new world
leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
close your eyes let the music set you free
only then can you belong to me

floating falling sweet intoxication
touch me trust me savour each sensation
let the dream begin let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that i write
the power of the music of the night

you alone can make my song take flight
help me make the music of the night...

stars in your multitudes
scarce to be counted
filling the darkness with order and light
you are the sentinels
silent and sure
keeping watch in the night

you know your place in the skies
you hold your course and your aim
and each in your season returns and returns
and is always the same
and if you fall as lucifer fell
you fall in flame

and so it has been
and so it is written
on the doorways to paradise
that those who falter
and those who fall
must pay the price

scarce to be counted
changing the chaos
to order and light
you are the sentinels
silent and sure
keeping watch in the night

keeping watch in the night...

You are more valuable than many sparrows; and not one sparrow dies unnoticed in my Father's world. Even the hairs on your head are numbered. That's how precious you are to Him.

dear friend,

i often think about you. how you are, where you are, what you are doing... i thought about you again today, as i was walking home. seems that that's the only time i have to let my mind wonder, detach myself from school and just wander. i wondered how you're doing in school. i wondered where you were right then. i wonder what you were doing. i wondered if you were thinking about me too. i wonder why we seldom talk anymore. i wonder when i can see you again.

i'm sorry if i've been the one trying to shut you out of my life. belief me, it wasn't intentional. i couldn't meet you that day, not because i didn't want to, i did. i was just tired. it was late. i just wanted to go home. i was being selfish, insensitive. many months have passed by since. you invited me for a function at your church. i said i'd try to go. but i didn't. we never set another date. were you afraid i was going to break if off again? time passed and i forgot. work piled up and i forgot. i'm sorry, dear friend, that i failed to realise that it takes 2 hands to clap, that i have been the one too busy to make time for friends. i'm so sorry if i've hurt you.

perhaps you're busy with your own stuff too. i doubt you will ever read this entry and know that the one i'm referring to is you. but i'd just like to say a big thank you for our reunion that fateful night more than 2 years back. i never told you, but the time we spent marked a milestone in my life as a christian and for that i am eternally grateful.

you will always hold a special place in my heart. and i pray that we will see each other again soon.

thinking of you till then and beyond.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness - only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate - only love can do that.

may your life be filled with love
may your heart be filled with harmony
may your days be filled with joy
go forth with a song

may your stars forever shine
may the wind be alwas at your back
may your skies be clear and bright
go forth with a song

may peace and joy surround you
and may sunshine light your way
may music sound around you
may laughter fill your day

may your life be filled with love
may your heart be filled with harmony
may your days be filled with joy
go forth with a song

may your life be filled with love
go forth with a song

was in the library watching the syf audition video today when a pleasant little thought just popped up in my head and i just coundn't stop myself from grinning. 30 girls from diverse backgrounds all clad in uniform khaki blouses and skirts, all so different yet the same. each group clammouring to watch their own secondary school's dance performance, each group equally engrossed in the other school's item. item over, we smile and laugh and tease each other. 30 girls from various schools coming together to form the hwa chong chinese dance society, bound by an unspoken yet conspicuously evident common passion. words can't describe the pride i feel being part of this wonderful team.

dance is the hidden language of the soul; it is the poetry of the foot; the communication between body and soul, to express what is too deep to find for words.

hwa chong chinese dance... dance on....