walking this seemingly endless road with Jesus by my side
Monday, September 27, 2004
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
is it just me or is the picture of the little girl with her star which use to inhabit this blog gone for good? hmm... gonna miss the picture anyhow. its definitely time to change my layout. BUT i'm gonna be disciplined and not do that till the exam are over, nope, not just block tests, but the a's...which means end november. its a long time but it CAN be done, and i WILL do it. not blog anymore, i mean, till the exams are over. gonna go back to days of yore, recreating my world in a personal diary. yep. think i've held this "public" life quite nicely. just feel kinda guilty for neglecting my diary for 2 whole months!! yep. so don't miss me ya? haha. just j/k. anyway, before i leave, just want to share this really nice song i've recently gotten high on cos the electric's been fixed... and i can't stop playing this song on it. anyway, till later, toodle-doo! enjoy. :)
Better than life
Hillsongs Australia
Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start
Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is
You hold me now in Your arms
And never let me go
You oh Lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for making everything possible in my life.
Better than life
Hillsongs Australia
Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start
Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is
You hold me now in Your arms
And never let me go
You oh Lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for making everything possible in my life.
Friday, June 18, 2004
i hafta admit that this isn't one of my best birthdays with all the stuff that i'm currently faced with, some problems and some unresolved issues. but nonetheless, it was a meaningful birthday. many thanks to yang, qy, bong, weixiang, ronnie, jnrs and my dear xiz for the birthday cake and the 3 birthday song from the kids at tp care corner. they are terrible adorable no matter how naughty they are. thanks loads. thanks to my family, immediate and extended. it wasn't a very pleasant situation that brought all of us together yesterday, but i was truly touched by the warmth of all of us coming together in the face of such a crisis. i've always enjoyed the company of my relatives and cousins. right now, i'm just extremely appreciative of having such a closely knit, caring and loving extended family. thanks also to my ever dearest kachngs, mike and suelee. love you and miss you both so much. and of course, my beautiful girlfriends aimei and celene. thank you so much for the pretty balloon and the lovely time we spent together. and last but not least, the icing on the cake, i spent the last few hours of my birthday with a really hot date. haha. yep. Someone i love with my whole heart, my whole soul and my whole mind. Someone i know will always love me no matter where i am and what i do. Someone who knows my greatest joys and my deepest fears, my darkest regret and my most painful longings. Someone who's even closer than a call away. had a wonderful time at IPC renewing my love for Him. and even though i went to Him tonight tired and jaded, He lifted me up and made me feel as light as a feather, as happy as a lark and i could just continue singing and dancing all night of His great love forever and ever. i've been wishing for something these past few months, years even, and again this birthday, i thought how perfect it'd be if that wish came true on this very day. but nevermind that that didn't come true. i couldn't have asked for a more meaningful way to spend my birthday than with the people and Person i love in my life.
happy 18th to me. :)
happy 18th to me. :)
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Life's short, keep it simple
by Sumiko Tan
The physical, emotional and even electronic baggage that clutters up one's life can overwhelm. It's time to simplify
SOMETHING had been troubling me of late but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
When I left the office every night, a niggling sense of a mission unaccomplished would dog me.
But I couldn't explain this disquiet.
Then it struck me.
I've not been deleting my e-mail for ages.
I work on two computer software systems in the office.
One's the Coyote, which is created for newspaper work, and which The Straits Times newsroom uses. It comes with a message function.
The other's Lotus Notes, for e-mail beyond the newsroom.
For weeks, I've been reminding myself to kill my old messages.
Unfortunately, those in the Coyote have to be expunged one at a time. Each deletion takes between one and three seconds.
I've been remiss in my housekeeping for various reasons - lack of time, other more pressing matters to attend to, laziness. There are also messages I want to re-read.
By the time I realised what was troubling me, I had accumulated 1,023 messages dating back to Feb 11.
The problem is made worse by how I like to copy every message I send out.
It would take about 2,046 seconds in all to clean up my Coyote, or 34 minutes. This does not include any time I may spend on re-reading some messages.
Things are no better on Lotus Notes.
I'm allowed 100Mb in my Inbox. My mail hovers perilously around 75Mb and 90Mb, with the oldest file dating back to April 2002, and the biggest 1.8Mb large.
The electronic clutter gnaws at me like - to misquote T.S. Eliot - a tedious argument of insidious intent.
It bothers me that I have unfinished business. I feel untidy and weighed down.
How I long to start each day, if not on a completely fresh slate, then at least with just one or two messages twinkling in my Coyote. How much lighter I'll feel if I can slash my Lotus mail down to a disciplined 10MB.
But I feel too burdened to clean up my act.
Yet the more I delay, the more the detritus accumulates, and haunts me.
THE electronic baggage is just one of the many types of excess baggage I lug around in my life.
Take clothes.
I've a pathological inability to throw away my old threads, even though they are no longer in fashion, don't qualify as retro wear, don't fit me anymore and are plain ugly.
Part of it has to do with sentimentality - I was once happy to wear them, so what's wrong with keeping them as a reminder of the past?
Another part has to do with my not wanting to discard something which I'd spent my hard-earned money on.
Mostly, though, it's just a stubborn inability to let go.
It's the same with books. I never ever want to re-read John Webster's The Duchess Of Malfi, which I suffered through in university, but throw it away? No way.
I have cards, letters and photographs dating back to primary school. National Cadet Corps badges. A plastic container with the chipped fragments of my wisdom teeth. A hardened wad of plaster that was used to bandage a cut on a beloved dog's paw. Sea shells and other mementoes.
In my emotional life, too, I cling on to junk.
I have a great store of memories, a massive cabinet in my head with numerous files covering everything from past hurts to little blips of happiness.
Once in a while, I take them out to luxuriate in the memory, or to fume.
In my head, I revisit old relationships - what was and what could have been - including those that are best left buried.
I re-play conversations. I play out future dialogues. Even to this day, 20 years after the event, I fantasise about meeting that certain someone who jilted me. It will be in a restaurant, I will walk up coolly to him and splash red wine on his white shirt.
Scary.
And enough is enough.
It's all getting too much.
Just like my e-junk, it's time to Delete and Escape.
THERE'S a difference between a healthy remembrance of things past and an unhealthy clinging onto what has been.
The former can provide comfort as you trudge through your present day-to-day life, with its share of nuisances and nastiness.
The latter is, simply, a waste of time.
I suppose people carry excess baggage because they fear the unknown. Harping back to the past, even if it wasn't so great, is more comforting than facing a blank, uncharted future.
But isn't it better to embrace life blithely and unburdened? To plunge into the unknown without constant timorous backward glances?
I'm beginning to realise the wisdom of cliches such as to live and let live, to forgive and forget, and the benefits of travelling light and living simply.
Many years ago, when I was a rookie reporter, I worked under an editor who was a true inspiration.
Years later, there was a newspaper article extolling his achievements.
I sent him a (Coyote) message telling him how glad I was to have worked under him, and reminisced about those early days.
His reply was, 'Thanks, but I don't believe in living in the past.'
I didn't understand then what he meant, and his terse remark actually caused me chagrin.
But I think I understand now what he meant.
As someone once said, everything flows, nothing stays still.
Why live in the yesterday - even the glory of yesterday - when there's today and tomorrow to take care of? Life's too short.
It's easier said than done, but I think it's worth a try.
But first things first.
I'll start by clearing my e-mail.
My Coyote messages, by the way, have since crept up to 1,059.
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/columnist/0,1886,262-237541-,00.html?
by Sumiko Tan
The physical, emotional and even electronic baggage that clutters up one's life can overwhelm. It's time to simplify
SOMETHING had been troubling me of late but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
When I left the office every night, a niggling sense of a mission unaccomplished would dog me.
But I couldn't explain this disquiet.
Then it struck me.
I've not been deleting my e-mail for ages.
I work on two computer software systems in the office.
One's the Coyote, which is created for newspaper work, and which The Straits Times newsroom uses. It comes with a message function.
The other's Lotus Notes, for e-mail beyond the newsroom.
For weeks, I've been reminding myself to kill my old messages.
Unfortunately, those in the Coyote have to be expunged one at a time. Each deletion takes between one and three seconds.
I've been remiss in my housekeeping for various reasons - lack of time, other more pressing matters to attend to, laziness. There are also messages I want to re-read.
By the time I realised what was troubling me, I had accumulated 1,023 messages dating back to Feb 11.
The problem is made worse by how I like to copy every message I send out.
It would take about 2,046 seconds in all to clean up my Coyote, or 34 minutes. This does not include any time I may spend on re-reading some messages.
Things are no better on Lotus Notes.
I'm allowed 100Mb in my Inbox. My mail hovers perilously around 75Mb and 90Mb, with the oldest file dating back to April 2002, and the biggest 1.8Mb large.
The electronic clutter gnaws at me like - to misquote T.S. Eliot - a tedious argument of insidious intent.
It bothers me that I have unfinished business. I feel untidy and weighed down.
How I long to start each day, if not on a completely fresh slate, then at least with just one or two messages twinkling in my Coyote. How much lighter I'll feel if I can slash my Lotus mail down to a disciplined 10MB.
But I feel too burdened to clean up my act.
Yet the more I delay, the more the detritus accumulates, and haunts me.
THE electronic baggage is just one of the many types of excess baggage I lug around in my life.
Take clothes.
I've a pathological inability to throw away my old threads, even though they are no longer in fashion, don't qualify as retro wear, don't fit me anymore and are plain ugly.
Part of it has to do with sentimentality - I was once happy to wear them, so what's wrong with keeping them as a reminder of the past?
Another part has to do with my not wanting to discard something which I'd spent my hard-earned money on.
Mostly, though, it's just a stubborn inability to let go.
It's the same with books. I never ever want to re-read John Webster's The Duchess Of Malfi, which I suffered through in university, but throw it away? No way.
I have cards, letters and photographs dating back to primary school. National Cadet Corps badges. A plastic container with the chipped fragments of my wisdom teeth. A hardened wad of plaster that was used to bandage a cut on a beloved dog's paw. Sea shells and other mementoes.
In my emotional life, too, I cling on to junk.
I have a great store of memories, a massive cabinet in my head with numerous files covering everything from past hurts to little blips of happiness.
Once in a while, I take them out to luxuriate in the memory, or to fume.
In my head, I revisit old relationships - what was and what could have been - including those that are best left buried.
I re-play conversations. I play out future dialogues. Even to this day, 20 years after the event, I fantasise about meeting that certain someone who jilted me. It will be in a restaurant, I will walk up coolly to him and splash red wine on his white shirt.
Scary.
And enough is enough.
It's all getting too much.
Just like my e-junk, it's time to Delete and Escape.
THERE'S a difference between a healthy remembrance of things past and an unhealthy clinging onto what has been.
The former can provide comfort as you trudge through your present day-to-day life, with its share of nuisances and nastiness.
The latter is, simply, a waste of time.
I suppose people carry excess baggage because they fear the unknown. Harping back to the past, even if it wasn't so great, is more comforting than facing a blank, uncharted future.
But isn't it better to embrace life blithely and unburdened? To plunge into the unknown without constant timorous backward glances?
I'm beginning to realise the wisdom of cliches such as to live and let live, to forgive and forget, and the benefits of travelling light and living simply.
Many years ago, when I was a rookie reporter, I worked under an editor who was a true inspiration.
Years later, there was a newspaper article extolling his achievements.
I sent him a (Coyote) message telling him how glad I was to have worked under him, and reminisced about those early days.
His reply was, 'Thanks, but I don't believe in living in the past.'
I didn't understand then what he meant, and his terse remark actually caused me chagrin.
But I think I understand now what he meant.
As someone once said, everything flows, nothing stays still.
Why live in the yesterday - even the glory of yesterday - when there's today and tomorrow to take care of? Life's too short.
It's easier said than done, but I think it's worth a try.
But first things first.
I'll start by clearing my e-mail.
My Coyote messages, by the way, have since crept up to 1,059.
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/columnist/0,1886,262-237541-,00.html?
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
i hate mosquitoes. pesky blood-sucking, swell-inducing, dengue-causing mosquitoes! pass few nights have been a real nightmare. can't sleep properly cos i keep itching all over. so what do i do? i go to another room that is air-conditioned to sleep in. no more mosquitoes. nope. nothing but a stuffy nose and a drowsy feeling for the rest of the day thanks to my so called "chronic nose allergy", which i paid a freakin $120 to get told, that can be suppressed by steroids (absolutely not!) or wait till i outgrow it. blasted. so i woke up 2 nights ago at 4.13am in the morning, legs and arms sore from all the bites, to battle the mosquitoes once and for all. waited patiently for them blood-thirsty mosquitoes to meet their final doom till about 4.45am and managed to swat 2 dead. 2 adomen bloodily filled mosquitoes dead. finally. managed to sleep peacefully for what was left of the night. bleah. and then last night... the ghost of mosquitoes' past came back to haunt me! what have i done to deserve this!? even at the bbq i got bitten left right centre while the others were left untouched. tmd. hiez.
spent the day at tp care corner with a bunch of primary school kids today. totally drained. maybe its the sleepless nights. the kids weren't all that difficult to control except one or two. felt really bad cos i realised how i was quite a handful for my teachers way back in primary school. heh. makes me appreciate my teachers alot. after this really unforgettable incident in primary 3 (an alliance with maple tan and angela taylor) i kinda woke up and actually began to respect teachers and the school rules alot more. felt really sorry for teachers that hafta put up with us little terrors. but the fact that they haven't quit their jobs ten years on, speak volumes of their dedication and passion for the profession. really admire them for that. hope this friday's batch will be manageable. :)
blasted. being bitten by mosquitoes again. if they like blood so much, they can jolly well become tampons in their next puny lives for all i care. cut me some slack man!
spent the day at tp care corner with a bunch of primary school kids today. totally drained. maybe its the sleepless nights. the kids weren't all that difficult to control except one or two. felt really bad cos i realised how i was quite a handful for my teachers way back in primary school. heh. makes me appreciate my teachers alot. after this really unforgettable incident in primary 3 (an alliance with maple tan and angela taylor) i kinda woke up and actually began to respect teachers and the school rules alot more. felt really sorry for teachers that hafta put up with us little terrors. but the fact that they haven't quit their jobs ten years on, speak volumes of their dedication and passion for the profession. really admire them for that. hope this friday's batch will be manageable. :)
blasted. being bitten by mosquitoes again. if they like blood so much, they can jolly well become tampons in their next puny lives for all i care. cut me some slack man!
Sunday, June 13, 2004
the funny thing about friendship is you never know how long it'll last. and when i mean last, i mean still think about that person and talk to that person every now and then and actually have stuff to say to that person and not feel awkward in each other's presence. the funny thing about 2 pple is how near they are and yet how far and vice versa. last friday, fate played a really neat trick on me. was in toa payoh then, slightly less than 100m from my beloved primary school which currently, much to my remorse, is undergoing major renovations. haven't been there in ages. so much has changed... the creepy underpass the winding block of hdb with the indoor playground bearing an underwater motive... so much has changed what with the air-con interchange and the works... feels familiar yet strange at the same time. anyway, that's besides the point. on my way home that day, my neighbour boarded the bus i was on some 2 stops from the interchange. lets just call her Y. i haven't seen her in ages although we live at such close proximity. wait.. correction. i have seen her recently.. only a few days ago. i was in my car porch looking for one of my sandals and she walked out of her house without so much as a glance in my direction. i'll just give her the benefit of the doubt. i try to be understanding. so, anyway, she got up the bus, surveyed the rows of seats and decided she would stand. in doing so, she saw me. i know she did. i tried to smile and acknowledge her, but she just looked away. oh well... i tried. well, two can play that game. so i just remained indifferent to what had happened but i had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when i thought of how i was going to avoid any uncomfortable situations when the both of us got of the bus and walked home. then lo and behold, hansel came up the bus! this the first time i've ever bumped into anyone from their family on the bus and i could have hugged him when i saw him! he's a life saver man! perfect timing! yeh... so problem solved... i just talked to him throughout the whole journey and walked back home together with him. (Y keeping a really far distance behind us. deliberately? i dunno) and get this... he didn't even know he was sitting behind Y! when i told him, he was like, huh? that was Y? i don't even know what she looks like now... haha... hiez... so much for far away relatives being uncomparable to close neighbours. mike has been gone for 4 years now, but the distance only makes us appreciate the closeness of our families even more when we're in the same country again. can't wait for them to get back.
some pple you just can't seem to get along with, not that you hate that person or anything... you just don't have anything to say to that person. its like "hi... so how've you been?" "busy with school... and you?" "same.. haha" stalemate. "so what school are you in now?... oh really? i have some friends there too." stalemate. "and your cca?... wow... i can see why you're so busy." stalemate. its just so superficial... like you're talking to that person so that there isn't a chance for the inevitable uncomfortable silence to come. and then you wonder what went wrong between the both of you and then you feel sad that you've let this friendship just slip away, although you know you're very much responsible for the way things are just as much as the other party is. as for other pple, you just can't get them out of your head. you wonder where they are, what they're doing, if they think abt you as often as you think of them. i sound like some lovesick fool. haha. i'm just a normal teenager wondering aloud about love and life, that's all.
hmm... i feel like changing the layout of my blog... but that implies that i've got alot of time on my hands. which i should not have if i know what's best for me. so its off to bed now and plenty of rest before this week's marathon begins. if only these basket mosquitoes will leave me alone......
some pple you just can't seem to get along with, not that you hate that person or anything... you just don't have anything to say to that person. its like "hi... so how've you been?" "busy with school... and you?" "same.. haha" stalemate. "so what school are you in now?... oh really? i have some friends there too." stalemate. "and your cca?... wow... i can see why you're so busy." stalemate. its just so superficial... like you're talking to that person so that there isn't a chance for the inevitable uncomfortable silence to come. and then you wonder what went wrong between the both of you and then you feel sad that you've let this friendship just slip away, although you know you're very much responsible for the way things are just as much as the other party is. as for other pple, you just can't get them out of your head. you wonder where they are, what they're doing, if they think abt you as often as you think of them. i sound like some lovesick fool. haha. i'm just a normal teenager wondering aloud about love and life, that's all.
hmm... i feel like changing the layout of my blog... but that implies that i've got alot of time on my hands. which i should not have if i know what's best for me. so its off to bed now and plenty of rest before this week's marathon begins. if only these basket mosquitoes will leave me alone......
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
i seriously need to get my freakin bum glued to my freakin chair and rid my freakin desk of freakin storybooks that i'm perpetually itching to freakin read if i'm going to ever do any freakin serious, intensive studying!!! bleah. 2 weeks of the holidays are almost gone and all i've completed is organic chem and 2/3 of the maths s qns. the problem is, whenever i'm not studying, i feel like studying something, but when i actually sit down to study, i want to do something else besides studying. haha. sigh.
was back in sn yesterday to visit my coach and watch my juniors train. was rather impressed by their standard. can't wait to watch the nationals this year. am really glad that the years of complaining and suffering of the (ahem) pioneering batch of sn rhythmic gymnasts have not fallen upon deaf ears. the measley 3 mats that we used to have to make do with has now increased to 5. that's alot of knees and ankles spared from being injured. and even though we still don't have any comfortable mats to stretch on, the girls made use of plastic chairs and cushions, which, frankly speaking, seems to me alot more useful than the artistic gym blocks cos the chairs are higher. heheh. darn proud of them. darn proud to be an sn gymnast. anyway, i left the gym yesterday feeling overwhelmed cos i realised how much i've learnt from my 4 years in gym. indeed, those 4 years were extremely fulfilling, albeit painful and trying. but at the end of the day, i really miss gym and i really regret not being able to continue with gym in jc. anyhow, here are somethings i've learnt from gym.
1) when you're in a team, nobody's right or wrong. everybody is equally important and equally responsible for each other's performance and welfare.
2) the coach is always right, even when you think you have been wronged. cos there is a reason why she's the coach and you're not.
3) competitions creates enemies out of pple. competitions bring out the worst in each individual. but competition also brings the best out of each person and the the standard and appreciation of the sport, in the school and in the country, to a higher level.
4) knowing your opponent's weakness is important so you do not make the same fault. but knowing your opponent's strength is even more important cos you must accept that there is someone better than you and you need to work very hard in order to better than the best.
5) you know you know the battle's half won when your opponent tells the coach that they want to start training even earlier on the day of the competition after watching your training the day before. you know you're good when you can share your love for the sport by performing your routine for the enjoyment of others. you know you've succeeded when you know you've put in your 101% worth of effort to reach the standard you are today even if it doesn't entail winning the title. but most importantly, you know you've made your mark when even though you aren't competing, your mere presence makes a difference to those who are.
sngym. reaching for the stars. graceful yet mighty. that's st nicks. :)
was back in sn yesterday to visit my coach and watch my juniors train. was rather impressed by their standard. can't wait to watch the nationals this year. am really glad that the years of complaining and suffering of the (ahem) pioneering batch of sn rhythmic gymnasts have not fallen upon deaf ears. the measley 3 mats that we used to have to make do with has now increased to 5. that's alot of knees and ankles spared from being injured. and even though we still don't have any comfortable mats to stretch on, the girls made use of plastic chairs and cushions, which, frankly speaking, seems to me alot more useful than the artistic gym blocks cos the chairs are higher. heheh. darn proud of them. darn proud to be an sn gymnast. anyway, i left the gym yesterday feeling overwhelmed cos i realised how much i've learnt from my 4 years in gym. indeed, those 4 years were extremely fulfilling, albeit painful and trying. but at the end of the day, i really miss gym and i really regret not being able to continue with gym in jc. anyhow, here are somethings i've learnt from gym.
1) when you're in a team, nobody's right or wrong. everybody is equally important and equally responsible for each other's performance and welfare.
2) the coach is always right, even when you think you have been wronged. cos there is a reason why she's the coach and you're not.
3) competitions creates enemies out of pple. competitions bring out the worst in each individual. but competition also brings the best out of each person and the the standard and appreciation of the sport, in the school and in the country, to a higher level.
4) knowing your opponent's weakness is important so you do not make the same fault. but knowing your opponent's strength is even more important cos you must accept that there is someone better than you and you need to work very hard in order to better than the best.
5) you know you know the battle's half won when your opponent tells the coach that they want to start training even earlier on the day of the competition after watching your training the day before. you know you're good when you can share your love for the sport by performing your routine for the enjoyment of others. you know you've succeeded when you know you've put in your 101% worth of effort to reach the standard you are today even if it doesn't entail winning the title. but most importantly, you know you've made your mark when even though you aren't competing, your mere presence makes a difference to those who are.
sngym. reaching for the stars. graceful yet mighty. that's st nicks. :)