oh yeah. i almost forgot. merry christmas everyone!!!

merry christmas to my dearest 03s78, 4Charitians, 1 and 2 faithians and 6hibees!!
merry christmas to the snpmb and sngym team esp bird, edina, cons, ps, zq, jioubu, kel and chris. love you guys.
merry christmas to the hc, sn sec and ij primary teachers.
merry christmas to fukuoka futaba high schoolers, seiai, miwa, melbourne uni and especially ISSS 2003.
merry christmas tmc ym!!
merry christmas bern, chris, joyce and andrea.
merry christmas dad, mom, rong and han.
merry christmas xiz and bean!
and last but not least merry christmas my dearest angels cel and aimei. miss you loads!

and to all, a blessed new year!

my trusty 8210 is gone forever! darn sad. it may be primitive but don't you dare underestimate its ability. its an awesome phone. well at least its alot faster than 8310. oh well. i guess this heralds a new beginning? hopefully so.

the new year is here and i'm as flustered as always. homework left undone, revision left unchecked, worksheets left unfiled, cupboards left unorganised. i'm been stuck in such deep shit for so long a time i can't remember the smell of fresh air! yeh. sorry pple, haven't been keeping this place updated. been really busy with really mundane stuff that would probably lull you all to sleep. as if you don't know what its like anyway. all hail the education system man! bleah.

home sweet home! boy am i glad to be home. still, even tho the weather in melbourne is eratic, i still miss it. sweating like nobody's buisness here. even tho melbourne's horribly overpopulated with retarded flies, i still miss it. tried swatting a mosquito in my toilet today, but to no avail. sigh. i miss melbourne so very much. miss the weather. miss the food. miss the buildings. miss my friends. i guess returning back to singapore was all in due time. 17 days away from home and my comfy bed is a tad long. still, it felt more like crashing back to reality than anything else. melbourne is so different from singapore yet i felt so at home there. maybe it helps that i have relatives there, and perhaps its because the population of asians there is considerably higher than other non-asian countries. but its something about the culture, the whole scene there, physical and spiritual, that makes me feel relaxed and enthralled. i guess i needed some time away from home, away from everthing. i needed to clear my mind. now i feel refreshed.

went to watch we will rock you yesterday. great music! punk hair, punk clothes, punk music, punk jokes. totally rocks dude! sweet. its basically a really unconventional musical based on queen's chart toppers. had the element of a rock concert in it. was really cool.

i've paid my dues
time after time
i've done my sentence
but committed no crime
and bad mistakes
i've made a few
i've had my share of sand
kicked in my face
but I've come through

we are the champions my friend
we'll keep on fighting till the end
we are the champions
we are the champions
no time for losers
cos we are the champions
of the world!!!!!!

melbourne's great. really enjoying myself. could be better if
1. the weather would just make up its mind
2. the sun weren't so darn scorching even when its so friggin cold
3. there weren't so many houseflies
4. my cranky camera could resurrect
5. the dingy dryer would stop shriking my clothes

but apart from that, like i've said, melbourne's great. the food's delicious, the people here are fun, the chocs are heavenly and you can play soccer for one whole afternoon without sweating a drop. sweet.

anyway, just visited jae's blog and saw all those pics of pple in yellow having a wonderful time at youth camp. darn. wish i could have been there. bet you guys had lots of fun. :)

at aunty lucy's place now. managed to leave the group to spend the night here with my beloved cousins. :) its a completely different experience going around with locals. went shopping with aunty lucy at victoria market, myers and target. yay. great place this is. the breeze is so cool and even tho it was 35 deg celcius yesterday afternoon, hardly sweat at all. the locals feel that its really hot tho. so last night, suelee, mike and i went down to lygon street to have ice cream and to star gaze at 11. wanted to go to st kilda's beach and cool down a little in the sea, but suelee had to get up early this morning. oh well. nvm. so in the end, mike and i stayed up till about 2, looking thru some of his very interesting photos, and catching up some on the balcony cos it was getting a little hot in the apartment. yep. well anyway, going back to trinity college soon. gonna have some time there alone before the group gets back. man. wish i could spend more time here with mike. really miss them loads.

finally flying off to melbourne tmr morning. somehow the excitement has worn off. hopefully i'll get refuelled again. anyway, if anybody needs to contact me, email me k. please don't call my phone or sms me unless its really urgent. you might not be able to get me in the first place. yep. danke!

i'm so doggone pissed off! argh! dunno what is wrong with me. i dun have the right to be pissed off at anything or anybody cos nome has explicitly pissed me off. but i am. and i hate it.

i'm back! feel like i've been disconnected from the whole world while cooped up for 5 days at ulu ulu ntu. anyway, had quite abit of fun. have this urge to do some more of those mensa quizzes, that is if i manage to find those books my mom bought a long long time ago. haha. think i'm going nuts. met a whole bunch of really interesting people at ntu. heheh. very interesting indeed.

i'm at a library at ntu right now. just had a really yummy lunch of spaghetti courtesy of cjs catering. contrary to what jae told me bout the programme, its actually quite fun. MENSA activities are gonna commence in about half an hour. not exactly looking forward to that cos its gonna last till 10:30 tonight, which means less time to play bridge and daidee tonight. yep. tmr's the last day of the camp, so i'm planning to play cards and not sleep the whole night, that is if i can hold up with my sanity still functioning.

met up with zhiqi, bird and edina at ms chua's wedding today. needless to say, she was utterly gorgeous. stunning to be exact. her grace, her elegence, her poise, her smile... able's one lucky guy. :)

the wedding was beautiful. simple yet blissful. of course, there was the conventional march down the isle, flower girl and all. reminds of a time, some 12 years ago, when i was itching, literally, to get out of the nasty, fluffy white dress that looked to me somewhat like layers of mosquito nets, but ironically felt otherwise. had me considering not getting married at all if i had to endure all that discomfort again. then horrors of horrors, i found myself in the same dress a year later, promenading down the same aisle and cringing under the stares and "aw-so-cute" whispers amidst pachebel's canon in d. but that's besides the point. the sn choir did us proud (or rather made me feel proud) with their song dedication to the newly-weds. but what really stole the show was the groom's spontaneous surprise serenade to the bride. it was so sweet it almost gave me a toothache. (it also made the lady behind me cry. ;S)

see guys, it doesn't matter if you aren't rich or you aren't the best looking guy around. (although, i must admit, that wouldn't hurt) it's how you go about winning the girl's respect and ultimately her heart. naturally it may seem that the 2 most important factors are appearance and material wealth, but be careful that these 2 things might be the curse in a relationship. no. what's most important is that you treat her right, with dignity and utmost respect. patience, my friend. one day you will succeed.

sometimes i wonder: if somebody was talking about me, what would that person say? today, i went to the wedding, harbouring the premonition that i would meet someone. lo and behold, i met miss foo, my sec 1 form teacher. it was a pleasant surprise. couldn't quite recognise her at first. maybe its the glasses, or rather, the lack of them. it was great seeing her again. i owe so much to her, more than she could ever imagine. turns out that i used to be really close to the daughter of one of her colleagues at the current school she's teaching in. apparently miss foo's aware, to a certain extent, of my past escapades in my younger days. :S better be weary of my actions now. who knows who i might bump into next. singapore's so freakin small, its scary.

anyway, cheers to able and cheleen. may you guys be happy forever and ever.

crap. there's no pic to the quiz i just did. oh well. seems blogger and i dun get along very well. been having abit of problems with opening updated pages on blogger. geez. seems like the weather hates me too. its so darn humid. can hear the shower beckoning me for the 4th time today. can't turn on the friggin air-condition cos the workers busted a water pipe. sheesh. just my luck.

You are Trinity, from "The Matrix."
Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate
heroine.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay. got my tagboard up and running yesterday. feel accomplished. :)

was reading ronglin's blog bout the purple amulet from dazaifu. brought back lots and lots of memory bout my exchange to fukuoka last year. remember very vividly visiting the dazaifu shrine with the mystical plum tree, which was believed to have marked the place out for the building of this historical monument. i remember the three bridges we had to cross to get to the shrine. the first represents the past, the second the present and the thrid the future. we were gravely warned not to stumble or trip as we crossed the bridges, as it would anticipate any failures in our lives. also we could not look back on the path we had walked. something about not dwelling on what has passed, but focusing on what is to come. the first and last bridges were archs, while the middle one was level. its supposed to signify that there have been bumps in our past, and although the present may be smooth sailing, it doesn't mean that there will not be any difficulties in the future. then when we reached the shrine, we were greeted with tall slabs of granite with chinese inscriptions on them, and hundreds of plum trees in full bloom all around the park. legend has it that a famous scholar was buried there in the 9th century. he was very intelligent and wrote great poems and other literary works. he was actually born in kyoto, but was exiled to kyushu. it is believed that the plum tree beside the alter flew with him from kyoto to kyushu, hence the park full of plum trees. after his death, he was revered as the god of education and thousands of people from all over japan pay visits to the shrine before a major examination and hang amulets outside the alter for luck. so being kiasu singaporeans as we were, some of us bought some wooden amulets with nice verses on them, wrote our name and hung them around the pagoda. after that, we had a really nice tea near the shrine, sitting on tatami mats, sipping on traditional japanese tea and nibbling on rice cakes filled with plum paste. all this under the canopy of the plum trees. it was just heavenly.

oh man. feels like i've been to fukuoka and back again, reliving all those memories. *sighs wistfully*

ack... construction workers strolling in and out of the house. dusty wooden boards lining the floor. drilling, drilling and more drilling that threatens to shake the house down to crumbling dust. ear-splitting noise that spoilt my morning plans for an action-packed non-stop vcd watching marathon. not fun.

CELEBRATION!!! i've finally been liberated from the trecherous bondages of pw! *punches fists into the air in jubilation* ;P i'm so relieved. seriously, i felt quite lost after the presentation. like "huh? so what's next?" chinese? checked. pw? checked. its like a huge bundle's been lifted off my back. (which incidently was aching so badly when i got home yesterday, i climbed into bed before 10.) now... to concentrate on chalking up hours for cip, getting ready for the ntu-jc challenge, preparing for the much awaited summer school at melbourne uni, clearing up the "in" tray of tutorials, preparing for tests when school reopens, attend dance practices and plan for next year. oh wait. think i forgot to mention something important. have FUN! hmm... seems like there's still quite a huge pile of stuff to get done, but wth! cut those strings baby cos this girl's gonna HAVOC!!!

stumbled upon this really cute but meaningful song while flipping through my primary 1/2 music jotter book.

would you like to swing on a star

would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule
a mule in an animal with long funny ears
he kicks up at anything hears
his back is brawny and his brain is weak
he's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
oh by the way if you hate to go to school
you may grow up to be a mule

or would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a pig
a pig is an animal with dirt on his face
his shoes are a terrible disgrace
he's got no manners when he eats his food
he's fat and lazy and extrememly rude
but if you don't care a feather or a fig
you may grow up to be a pig

or would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a fish
a fish won't do anything but swim in a brook
he can't write his name or read a book
to fool all people is his only thought
and though he's slippery he still gets caught
but if that sort of life is what you wish
you may grow up to be a fish

and all the monkeys aren't at the zoo
every day you meet quite a few
so you see its all up to you
you could be better than you are
you could be swinging on a star

everything you ever told me was a lie... lion king

what do you do when someone betrays you? cry your bleddy eyes out. sink into self-denial. sedate yourself with sleep. cross your fingers and toes and try to move on, scars and all. problem is, how can i move on without your assurance that things will change for the better? i've been living in my fantasy world for too long. far too long. perhaps i was being too hopeful. but what good can pessimism do? i'm confused. scared. haunted. the only other time i felt like this was in a dream. my worse nightmare in my 17 years of existence to be exact. now, i still feel like i'm stuck in a nightmare. i can't think straight. i feel detached from everything around me. i'm still trembling and finding myself close to tears thinking...

i have an obligation. a responsibility. seems like i'm the only one left standing to dispatch it. and i will carry it out. you mark my words.

CHIJ
You scream for your school at any opportunity and
for some strange reason you love your school to
no end. You wear your belt so low that ACS
boys' pants would be considered high (yeah.
oh.. my..god)


Wad girl's school should you be from?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

What inner color are you?

confined at home again today. was running a temperature last night. woke up this morning with a prickly throat and a head too heavy to be lifted from my nest. tis the forth time this month i've succumbed to various physiological discomfort that has warranted medication, which brings me back to my point about feeling like an invalid. didn't realise the severity of this frequency till just. this just goes to substantiate rach and vics' comment about me looking weak. oh well.

yup. finally changed my layout. think it looks alot cleaner and sanguine compared to the previous. don't you think? well... guess i wasted enough of my day. shall return to pw and chinese now.

ok. so i've given up on remaking this page.
just like i've given up on so many occasions cos i'm just too tired to persevere.
i'm utterly indespicable.

school has leeched me of so much of my energy that now i'm nothing more than a... than a... crap. i can't even think right. feel like such an invalid. seems like the only thing i'm good at right now is sleep. and eat. and sleep somemore.
i'm utterly indespicable.

had a really great time at my class' chalet. was playing in the sea for about 2 hours under the scorching mid-day sun with huiqi, suhan and yang. it was really fun just bobbing around, hijacking the waves and getting sand in my clothes. after that, went bowling. well... sort of. kinda lost touch with the ball after not playing for so many years and my elbow and wrist started to hurt quite abit again. oh well... went cycling after that. tis the first time i actually managed to cycle from one end of east coast to the other and back! woohoo! major achievement for me. now, my dierierre hurts, and my knees are squeaking and the funny feeling between my right tighbone and hipbone is back again. anyhow, it was good fun. :) didn't play any mahjong this time round. spent most of the night in the bedroom playing cards and basically talking cock with the rest. haha... i love chalets.

was back in school at 8 this morning for the cca leaders workshop. think i humiliated myself during the presentation but wth. spent half the time trying not to doze off. the food wasn't all that appetising either. only thing good bout the workshop is the enrichment pt they decided to give us for turning up. haha. ok. maybe it was a little beneficial. we actually got to know what kind of problems the other ccas were facing, besides the ALMOST unanimous agreement about the lack of funding and the pros and cons to the ccas going independent and merging with the chinese high will bring. met the rest of the exco to prepare for open house. felt like we were in a trench of shit cos we hadn't even cheorographed half the dance yet, and we have less than a week left before open house. after a while, our 2 dance i/cs got so tired out, one went to sleep while the other decided she needed a break. went down to venezia for ice cream. guess what? tis my second time down at 6th avenue since i came into hc, and the first time i've ever stepped into venezia. am i slack or am i slack? anyway, met sansan there. thank god we met her! now our item for open house isn't in such deep shit anymore. all's well that ends well. i hope. :)

the promos are finally over! dun intend to devote this whole entry to it though. it only warrants a mere mention cos there's really nothing i can say about it until the results are out.

met rong after school today. watched seabiscuit at cine. the show was really really good. could relate to it in so many ways. it was a tad idealistic, but still enjoyed it anyhow. lots of quotes from shakespeare, dickenson and other pre 20th century authors were scripted into the film. see, that's why you should study lit. can better appreciate its aesthetic value. feel fueled to read english novels now. top on my list at the moment is wuthering heights, the complete and unabriged version. geez. wonder when i will actually graduate to the 5th chapter. read the adapted version in primary school, but reading the actual one puts things in a whole new perspective.

k. actually i still have lotsa things to pen, but that will have to wait for another time. gonna be busy for the next few days with chalet, cca and church. i'm currently working on a new template for my blog too. hopefully it'll be out before i chain myself back to my books to study for chinese. till then.

quote of the day: "he's just so beat up running in circles he's just gotta learn how to be a horse again" - seabiscuit-

this pic is so awfully cute and innocent! quite unlike me tho... *evil grinz*

You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're
an Angel!
Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did
you always
behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the
hell outta
people with your attitude, but no doubt your church
is real happy
with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the
negative,
after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do
charity work.
Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You
just make the rest
of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the
rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra
cookie or something.
However - congratulations on being the most pure,
of the entire human race.


?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

a fresh new page
a leaf untouched
so much to say
where do i start?

the sky lights up
the birds awake
the world moves on
which path to take?

that cloud
the sky
i reach
i fly

i fall
in vain
retreat
in shame

the tree branced snaps
the leaves pined down
the birds fly off
alas, no sound

the sun still sets
the moon still glows
and waves still crash
and time still flows

a bud unfurls
the crick't laughter
a state of art
the morning after

still scars remain
long after the pain

yet fl'wers bloom brightest
after the rain

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla


erps ;P

sometimes i think i worry too much.

quote of the day: the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

i can feel my teeth now the braces are gone!
there are no obstacles in my way... (not in the form of braces that is)
dun have to worry bout food getting stuck now that my braces are gone...
its gonna be a bright, bright sunshiney day...
(sung to the tune of I Can See Clearly Now by Anne Murray)

well... couldn't think of anything else to replace that last verse, but wth... it was quite bright and sunny today anyway... lalala... spend 1 hour plus at the orthodontist's today getting my braces out... have no idea what she was doing shining some LED stuff into my mouth. well... actually i'm not very sure what exactly it was... that was all i could catch from the corner of my eye. then the nurse made me put on a 0.5mm lead coat when i took an x-ray (while getting my braincells fried at the same time. i'm quite sure i felt something funny going on in my temples when the carbon thingy stopped rotating at my right temple. haha... ok... mebbe i was just bored. anyway, got my retainers today. super uncomfortable... oh well... think i'll get use to it soon. good thing is that i can take them off whenever i want to. (something new to do to keep me awake during lectures. look ma! no hands!! ;P ) supposed to wear them on 24 hours or else my teeth will start shifting back... very tempted not to but since i've already invested so much, must not let all of it go to waste. :) even if it means sounding like daffy duck for the next few months... oh well... its all in the name of vanity. haha.

anyway, 2 really interesting things happened on the way home today. interesting thing number 1. the 156 bus that arrived at the bishan mrt bus stop had NOBODY on it! is that perculiar or is that perculiar? haha... think it just came out of the depot, but still a completely empty 156 at 7 in the evening is a rare sighting indeed. interesting thing number 2. saw a really pretty sunset when i was walking home today. haven't seen one as beautiful in quite awhile. it wasn't all that magnificent. it was more of a quiet beauty. the whole sky was a deep velvet blue with a few clouds strung across. then in the horizon the blue blended into sea green and finally the yellow, disappearing behind the roofs of some terraces. the silhouette of the rustling leaves of a solitary palm tree pasted in front of the row of terraces completes the serene atmosphere. the cry of a lonely cricket could be heard over dinnertime sounds. the whole estate just felt so... magical. i love my neighbourhood. :) its so rare nowadays to get intune with nature. i'm usually so consumed in my own thoughts that i fail to see the beauty of simplicity around me. hmm...reminds me of that song gary played over his laptop "there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me..."

quote of the day: what you have is God's gift to you. what you become is your gift to God.

i'm FINALLY taking off my braces tomorrow!! woohoo! after 2 freaking long years, 5 months and...lemme see... 4 days (counting tmr). muah haha!

ok...now on to something more serious...
right now i feel like digging a hole in the ground and burrying myself for good. really hate it when i say stuff that i shouldn't say, and even more so, have no right to say. i'm really sorry you. sigh. feel horribly guilt-striken right now. i remember back in p2, i said something real horrible (or at least i tot it was horrible back then tho saying it right now would not yield any repurcussions, i think). didn't mean it at all and i felt really horrible after that. apologised profusely and she said it was ok. but almost a decade on and i can still remember every single second of it. met her again a few years back. she was (and i bet still is) as pretty and sweet as ever and i was just overcome by remorse and disgust for myself. asked her whether she remembered how we used to play during recess way back in p2 and she only remembers the good times we spent playing catching and five stones and throwing coins into the grotto at the sacred heart. asked her if she remembered that fateful day and she says she has no inkling at all. sometimes i just feel i do not deserve the wonderful friends that i have made over the years. believe me. i love you guys all so much. i couldn't bear to hurt anyone.

on the flip side, sometimes i really hate myself for stuff that i should do but fail to. shall not venture into the explicit details lest i bore you. shall continue wallowing in pw and tuts now. and no jae... i am NOT a freak. thank you very much.

hmm... think my blog is far too wordy. think it needs a major facelift. but not now. seems like my well of inspiration is running dry. guess this place will have to remain dormant for awhile more until the creases of my not-so-mundance-at-this-point-of-time life has been iron out.

capturing fleeting spurts of inspirations, like the wind sweeping amber leaves into its embrace and dropping them onto the concrete pavement; like the wind, sometimes warm and refreshing, yet sometimes cold and biting. such are the winds of life, sweeping you off your feet and bringing you on unknown voyages beyond your wildest imagination. and you know you cannot resist it no matter how hard you try. its wuthering is exceedingly overwhelming.

been feeling down and out lately. or rather, finding myself devoid of all emotions would be more apt a description.

had my piano exam last thursday. totally screwed it up. think it's the worst piano exam i've had in my life! and it had to be my grade 8 exam. sigh... having a recital practice this afternoon. supposed to play my 3 exam pieces, but every time i think about it, my chest just tightens as i try to shove the memory of the exam into the darkest corner of my mind. but everytime i look at the piano, everything rushes back up to the surface again.

attended a charity concert at the victoria concert hall last night. felt honoured to be amongst distinguished guests ie, His excellency, the ambassador for Japan, Dr Keith Goh and others from the noble medical profession. the programme was alluring. really looked forward to an evening of melodious masterpieces performed by both local and foreign talents. had the honour of listening to our local child prodigists keagan ng and see ian ike play on the piano and violin respectively. was extremely captivating. the item that really stole the show, however, was the duet by 2 Japanese pianists. as i closed my eyes and let the crisp yet flowing melodies of both parts overright my senses, i could not help but imagine myself on the piano stool, just letting my fingers and my emotions take over the keys. i imagined my fingers dancing weightlessly over each note, my body pulsating to the rhythm of the piece. i reminisced my performance in previous concerts. the anticipation, the nervousness, the relief. the applause. then all of a sudden, the dream just came crashing down, shattering upon the hardness of reality. all my imaginations, my mindless imaginations, could only remain as dreams cos of one solitary exam. and as i sink into my seat, my eyes fixed staringly at the pianists on stage, i could only berate myself for my complacency and wild fancies.

the music became just lines on the scores, merely notes to be hit at the appropriate time.

one more month of anxious anticipation before the time of judgement.

the music of the night from the musical the phantom of the opera

night time sharpens heightens each sensation
darkness wakes and stirs imagination
silently the senses abandon their defences
helpless to resist the notes i write
for i compose the music of the night

slowly gently night unfurls its splendour
grasp it sense it tremulous and tender
hearing is believing music is deceiving
hard as lightning soft as candlelight
dare you trust the music of the night

close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
and the truth isn't what you want to see
in the dark it is easy to pretend
that the truth is waht it ought to be

softly deftly music shall caress you
hear it feel it secretly possess you
open up your mind let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which you know you cannot fight
the darkness of the music of the night

close your eyes start a journey through a strange new world
leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
close your eyes let the music set you free
only then can you belong to me

floating falling sweet intoxication
touch me trust me savour each sensation
let the dream begin let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that i write
the power of the music of the night

you alone can make my song take flight
help me make the music of the night...

stars in your multitudes
scarce to be counted
filling the darkness with order and light
you are the sentinels
silent and sure
keeping watch in the night

you know your place in the skies
you hold your course and your aim
and each in your season returns and returns
and is always the same
and if you fall as lucifer fell
you fall in flame

and so it has been
and so it is written
on the doorways to paradise
that those who falter
and those who fall
must pay the price

scarce to be counted
changing the chaos
to order and light
you are the sentinels
silent and sure
keeping watch in the night

keeping watch in the night...

You are more valuable than many sparrows; and not one sparrow dies unnoticed in my Father's world. Even the hairs on your head are numbered. That's how precious you are to Him.

dear friend,

i often think about you. how you are, where you are, what you are doing... i thought about you again today, as i was walking home. seems that that's the only time i have to let my mind wonder, detach myself from school and just wander. i wondered how you're doing in school. i wondered where you were right then. i wonder what you were doing. i wondered if you were thinking about me too. i wonder why we seldom talk anymore. i wonder when i can see you again.

i'm sorry if i've been the one trying to shut you out of my life. belief me, it wasn't intentional. i couldn't meet you that day, not because i didn't want to, i did. i was just tired. it was late. i just wanted to go home. i was being selfish, insensitive. many months have passed by since. you invited me for a function at your church. i said i'd try to go. but i didn't. we never set another date. were you afraid i was going to break if off again? time passed and i forgot. work piled up and i forgot. i'm sorry, dear friend, that i failed to realise that it takes 2 hands to clap, that i have been the one too busy to make time for friends. i'm so sorry if i've hurt you.

perhaps you're busy with your own stuff too. i doubt you will ever read this entry and know that the one i'm referring to is you. but i'd just like to say a big thank you for our reunion that fateful night more than 2 years back. i never told you, but the time we spent marked a milestone in my life as a christian and for that i am eternally grateful.

you will always hold a special place in my heart. and i pray that we will see each other again soon.

thinking of you till then and beyond.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness - only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate - only love can do that.

may your life be filled with love
may your heart be filled with harmony
may your days be filled with joy
go forth with a song

may your stars forever shine
may the wind be alwas at your back
may your skies be clear and bright
go forth with a song

may peace and joy surround you
and may sunshine light your way
may music sound around you
may laughter fill your day

may your life be filled with love
may your heart be filled with harmony
may your days be filled with joy
go forth with a song

may your life be filled with love
go forth with a song

was in the library watching the syf audition video today when a pleasant little thought just popped up in my head and i just coundn't stop myself from grinning. 30 girls from diverse backgrounds all clad in uniform khaki blouses and skirts, all so different yet the same. each group clammouring to watch their own secondary school's dance performance, each group equally engrossed in the other school's item. item over, we smile and laugh and tease each other. 30 girls from various schools coming together to form the hwa chong chinese dance society, bound by an unspoken yet conspicuously evident common passion. words can't describe the pride i feel being part of this wonderful team.

dance is the hidden language of the soul; it is the poetry of the foot; the communication between body and soul, to express what is too deep to find for words.

hwa chong chinese dance... dance on....

when the world is looming dark
and things seem not so clear
when shadows seem to hover around
Lord, may i persevere

when it seems everything's been tried
and there's no way to go
just let me keep remembering
sometimes the journey's slow

i may just need to stop and rest
along the path i trod
a time to try to understand
and have my talk with God

as i gain new strength to carry on
without a doubt or fear
somehow i know things will be right
and so i persevere.

the sn rhythmic gymnastic team is, for the second consecutive year, is champion and 1st runner up for c division and b division respectively.

am i supposed to be happy? i dunno. i feel sedated. numbed. perhaps it just hasn't sunk in yet. perhaps its cos this year i'm at the arena as a spectator instead of sweating my skin out in a sexy glittering leotard. perhaps i'm just utterly disgusted with the gross injustice of the judging panal, the very basis of the organising committee. but then again, this happens year in year out. life never is fair, is it? perhaps.

i sound like a sore loser and perhaps i am. don't take it against me though. i have nothing against the schools that bettered sn. i just feel that there is much room for improvement in the judging sector. it positively stinks!

my thoughts are getting erratic. a riot of emotions is bursting forth from my gut. my mind has been nullified. i only have this left to say, congratulations to all gymnasts. you are all winners in your own light. the battle is done. it is time to count your losses and prepare for the next competition.

ST NICKS ROX!!! haha... so proud of being part of the sn family. double champs for track and field, champs for swimming, champs for gym... haha. okie... actually, i'm quite sore about the fact that i could not be part of the excitement at kallang yesterday. had to go for cca. can't pon even if i wanted to. oh well. hiez. really wish i could have been there though. seems likes the whole world was at kallang yesterday, except lil ol me. sigh.

something really really freaky happened today. was minding my own business when all of a sudden, this thought just flashed in my head. it was more like a certain scenario being played in my mind. then lo and behold, what i saw in my head actually happened right in front of my very own eyes less than 15 minutes later! was still contemplating whether i should warn the people involved about this premonition, but decided against. they'd probably think i was just being paranoid.

i'm getting freaked out with me!!

received this email quite some time back...

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE !!!!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?



beats me.

met cel and aimei for full throttle today. we rock man!! haha. the show wasn't as good as its predessesor though. storyline needed alot more body. the stunts were no doubt super unrealistic and blatantly plagarised from the matrix, but they were damn cool nonetheless... :)

think i'm getting addicted to coffee... had an ice blended mocha from coffee bean today and have been craving for more ever since. haha. hmm... been eating too much junk food today, yesterday and the past 2 weeks... feel so sinful. lol.

you know... the one thing i love about going to orchard is the people i get to bump into. its just really nice to know how people you haven't seen in ages are doing. its even more heartening to know that they still remember you. like today, i bumped into mrs elaine toh (aka ms elaine chong) and her son and she actually recognised me!! haha. stunned. somehow she didn't look as tall as i remembered (which means i have grown quite a bit even tho the measuring tape seems to disagrees with my hyposthesis). somehow the lyrics of a particular song by the beegees keeps resounding in my head, "when i was small and christmas trees were tall... now we are tall and christmas trees are small..." haha... so many things have changed. hiez. all of a sudden i have this urge to pay a visit to my alma mata. haha. maybe i'll email one of my teachers tonight.

when i was small
and christmas trees were tall
we used to love while others used to play
don't ask me why the time has passed us by
someone else moved in from far away

now we are tall
and christmas trees are small
and you don't ask the time of day
but you and i
our love will never die
guess who'll cry come first of may

the apple tree that grew for you and me
i watched the apples falling one by one
and i recall the moment of them all
the day i kissed your cheek and you were gone

life is so transient. so fleeting. like fine grains of sand in the palm of your hand, the tighter you try to grasp it, the more it slips through your fingers. it comes and goes like the wind and nobody, no one at all, can control it. but man wants to control. control over things that are well beyond our boudaries. that's just how we are. but at the end of the day, does any of it matter?

Psychologist B.R. Forer found that people tend to accept vague and general personality descriptions as uniquely applicable to themselves without realizing that the same description could be applied to just about anyone. Consider the following as if it were given to you as an evaluation of your personality.

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

Forer gave a personality test to his students, ignored their answers, and gave each student the above evaluation. He asked them to evaluate the evaluation from 0 to 5, with "5" meaning the recipient felt the evaluation was an "excellent" assessment and "4" meaning the assessment was "good." The class average evaluation was 4.26. That was in 1948. The test has been repeated hundreds of time with psychology students and the average is still around 4.2.

The most common explanations given to account for the Forer effect are in terms of hope, wishful thinking, vanity and the tendency to try to make sense out of experience, though Forer's own explanation was in terms of human gullibility. People tend to accept claims about themselves in proportion to their desire that the claims be true rather than in proportion to the empirical accuracy of the claims as measured by some non-subjective standard. We tend to accept questionable, even false statements about ourselves, if we deem them positive or flattering enough. We will often give very liberal interpretations to vague or inconsistent claims about ourselves in order to make sense out of the claims. Subjects who seek counseling from psychics, mediums, fortune tellers, mind readers, graphologists, etc., will often ignore false or questionable claims and, in many cases, by their own words or actions, will provide most of the information they erroneously attribute to a pseudoscientific counselor. Many such subjects often feel their counselors have provided them with profound and personal information. Such subjective validation, however, is of little scientific value.

source: http://skepdic.com

xiaoxuan Magic Number 22 Job Criminal Personality Unfulfilled Dreamer Temperament An Oft-Exploding Volcano Sexual Whatever, Whenever, Whoever Likely To Win A Free Coke Me - In A Word Belligerent Colour Brought to you by MemeJack

yeah rite.

You're a Diamond. You seem like a cold and an
unreachable person outside, yet you are
beautiful inside and outside. You may be
stubborn at times. You act with grace and
elegance and you are a precious asset to all
your friends.


What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You excel at Care of Magical Creatures. You must
have a thing for those cute furry things...or
big scaley things...or scary firebreathing many
teethed things...


Which Class at Hogwarts Would You Excel at?
brought to you by Quizilla

i think my brain just hanged or something. too many programmes are running at the same time. feels as if the whole system's gone kaput. i'm just staring at the physics equations but i can't get my mind to work on deciphering it. hiez. went over to cel's house this afternoon to study. we managed to get quite abit done amidst a lot of chatting and binging. well, they say 2 head are better than 1. cel's former maid baked her an egg custard cake for her birthday. it was absolutely delicious man! i've been scouting around for the recipe for a really long time now. the last time i ate it was probably slightly less than 10 years ago. haha. really happy. think all the sugar in my system is making me high. i'm feeling rather dreamy now. my mind's awake and my eyes are seeing, but somehow everything seems very detached. haha. oh well.

anyway, happy birthday cel! enjoy your pressies!! :) i love you!

i'm at the club now. just had dinner. all the blood's in my stomach so whatever i tried to study a few minutes ago is everywhere but in my brain. oh well. seems like the club is a really popular place for sn girls. met eileen poon and venetia this afternoon. hui zhen, hui jing, hui fen and weifang are at the table behind me right now. haha. had a nice chat with miss poon and her friend. we were comparing the different jcs, namely vj, rj and hc. talk about diversity. they were telling me all about med school, and the different courses you can take there. sounds very interesting. :) of course, when 2 or more sn girls meet, the subject always turns towards sn, sn, sn and xiaozhang. :) had a really pleasant trip down memory lane. felt really nostalgic and sad at the same time. sigh.

oh well. time to retreat to my dingy corner and spend some quality time with my notes.

in Chrsit alone
i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory let it be said of me
my source of strenght
my source of hope
is Christ alone

darn! my com died on me again just when i was about to post my entry. argh!

just came back from cel's party! it was a bash man! had a really wonderful time. celene was absolutely gorgeous! met lotsa new people too. grinz. :) love cel's house! love the party, the balloons, the cake, the music, the band.... it was a... erm... how should i phrase it... ear-opening experience. haha. seriously. the drummer was really really good. flashes of the wt jamming session kept appearing in my mind. mainly, it was euclid thrashing the drums and drowning out all the other instruments. and not to mention our ear drums too. haha... well... considering it was their first gig, they really put up a fancy show. well done guys!

okie. so my original script was alot longer, but i'm too lazy to type it all out right now. all i need now is some sleep to quell the headache that has been hammering at my temples since sunday.

there once were 2 seeds that had been planted in the soil. the first seed said to itself, "i want my roots to grow down to reach the water. i want my shoots to burst forth through the soil and out into the open air. i want to feel the warmth of the sunshine on my leaves. i want to taste the dew that gathers every morning on my petals." and so the seed grew and grew. the second seed, however, was hesitant. "who knows what danger lies beneath me in the darkness of the soil below me? what if i damage my maturing sprouts when i struggle to imerge from the soil? what if after all my effort, someone comes along and cuts off my shoots? no. i think i'll stay put until a better time." some time later, a chicken found the seed and promptly ate it up.

just a little something to wake myself up.


You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

now back to chem...

results for dance exco was announced today. really happy that i got the post i ran for. the other exco members are really great. i'm looking forward to working with them.

its really weird how sometimes the littlest thing that you do bears so much significance to the person who receives it. moral of the story: don't be afraid to take that step cos you'll never know how much that person may appreciate it.

well, its easier said than done. there are ends in my life that have been left hanging loose too long. until now, i still haven't figured out which is the most effective way of tying them up. i know i've got to do something soon before the wicker burns out. but sometimes i'm afraid. i'm afraid of saying the wrong things and end up making a complete fool of myself. its a big risk i've gotta take, but unless i take it there ain't gonna be no change in scene. i've been tarrying too long and have been blatantly letting countless opportunities slip through my fingers. but at the end of the day, its always that nagging fear that holds me back. sigh... i guess i'm not making much sense here. i've got quite abit of soul searching to do.

oh man! don't think i've spent so much money on food in my life!

met cel and aimei for lunch at taka's pasta cafe. had mushroom baked rice and oreo's cheesecake. the cake was really good. rich and creamy and cheesy. was super bloated after that. cel and aimei gave me a really pretty hamper :) a gorgeous purple dress bag. was thinking of buying it myself. heheh... within was a beautiful blue dreamcatcher. immediately hung it up in my room when i got back. it fits in perfectly on that baby blue wall next to my window. together with the glow-in-the-dark stars that my sisters put up yesterday on the dreamy, dark blue wall on the opposite side of my room, the room that i had dreamt of designing 3 years back is starting to take shape. :) thanks for the pretty purple hair clip and the "other" thing in the bag too! :) i promise i'll use them. you'll see. *grinz* man! can't wait for cel's up coming party! heheh... dunno what i'd do without you 2! us swinging sisters, charlie's angels, the 3 musketeers! love ya loads belles!

had to cab back to school straight after lunch for chinese. my mood just plunged to the pits. but seeing the smiling faces of my classmates perked me up a little. chinese was really boring. went through some words and that was about it. the time flied by really quickly. as usual, we were let off early. decided to meet aimei back at st nicks. had 2 cups of tantalising ice milo. i'm serious! nobody makes ice milo like uncle mobeen does. icy cold, creamy, rich, milo-ey... haha...think i'm going nuts. haven't been so crazy bout food in such a long time. feel like such a glutton. anyway, watched the syf modern dance item. i'm so proud of them, although i was never part of the cca. after that, me and aimei, took a slow walk round the school compound. from the canteen, past the family louge, to the staff room, past the sec 2 class rooms, the pm room, to the new extension, down the specs stand, past the d and t workshop, the net ball courts and the sunken forum, past the science labs, down the new specs, across the track, past the prayer room and back to the canteen. all the memories just came flooding back. those were the days. i wish they were back again. watched my juniors train for a while before leaving. they're getting better. its heartening to know that the spirit of st nicks gym is being lived up to. they're training really really hard. as hard as we did, maybe even more. i have confidence that sn gym will continue to bring glory to the school. we're the best and we'll always be the best! gambate!!!

when i reached home, i had a really nice surprise waiting for me. my sisters had baked a strawberry tart especially for me. its in the fridge right now. didn't want to kill my appetite before dinner and was too full to eat it after we came back. my sis brought us to this really quaint italian restaurant in holland v called la paolo. its nothing like paolo's in the teenage textbook. nope. it was as different as night and day. it's such a pretty little place. rattans lining the ceiling and the walls, greenery just beyond the glass windows. though it was dark outside, it felt as if we were eating in an outdoor garden on a cool, breezy summer's day. the appetisers were fantastic! the buffolo cheese was simply sumptious. had raw beef too, tho i didn't really know how to appreciate it. oh.. and fried squid too. for the main course, we had different types of pasta. pasta in tomato sauce, pasta in white wine, seafood pasta, spinach pasta in cream sauce and even pasta in squid ink! haha... it was all really tasty... and cheesy too... yum... had a little trouble placing our order tho.. cos the names were all in italian and we couldn't differentiate between the different types of pasta. in the end, the waiter very graciously taught us the difference between the diff kinds of pasta. mainly mee kia, green mee kia and mee pok. haha... what a hoot! really had the time of my life! the perfect evening was made even more delightful when the tiramisu cake came. it's the best cake i've eaten as far back as my limited memory will allow me to go. the bottom layer was soaked in saccharine rum. the chocolate was sweet but not too rich and the coffee was just right. not too strong, but just enough to give that tinge of bittersweetness. it was heavenly! it was soft and fluffy and abosolutely heavenly! i'm definitely going back again!

opps. looks like i past midnight again! dang! oh well... anywayz, happy swinging seventeen to me!

2 angels down. one more june baby to go!

happy birthday to me!!

You are Psychic!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

buh bye sweet sixteen! hello swinging seventeen!

sigh... gonna turn a year older in a few minutes time... well actually, technically, it should be in about 9 hours and abit till its 0934hrs, 17 years after 18th June 1986... hehe...

i'm gonna miss being sixteen. sixteen is the age of innocence. the age of seeing the world as all good (any bad is cos the good had gone bad). the age of discovery of human nature. its something like 12 crossing over to 13. you hafta leave your childhood behind (along with all the discounts)... forge on to the next check point... teenhood. bittersweet memories of late night phone calls, wild escapades, sporadic riotous fetishes and such... and not to forget matter of the heart. :)

goodbye sweet sixteen. i'm gonna miss you. :)

Blue Eyes


What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

man! i have to stop this habit of blogging so late in the night... or rather, so early in the morning. make things rather confusing cos i'll be talking about what happened during the day that has just begun, when i'm actually refering to the day before...

well, anyway, going on to my substantive...had a very fruitful time in church today. managed to catch the 8:15 bus and reached church at 8:30 to set up the chairs. but lo and behold, i was the only one there... hmph... i suppose its retribution for not turning up on time the previous few times. haha... led the discussion during ym today. was quite freaked out. i don't have the gift of the gab, so i guess i'll just have to make up for it with constant practice. it was quite an experience though. good thing the topic was about psalms and proverbs, something i'm considerably familiar with. i love those 2 books, especially psalms. the verses are just so beautiful, so poetical. i miss studying o level lit. "i wondered lonely as a cloud that float on high o'er vales and hills, when all at once i so a crowd, a host of golden daffodils, beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze..." miss lim's favourite poem. i'll never be able to forget that... and her anecdote of catherine lim together with the poem. haha. :)

anyway, went to cadon for lunch with rong and some of the guys from disciple, before ajourning to hansel's place for our first official disciple meeting. met venetia on the way. seems like sunday's a popular day for everybody to be out in gardens. just 2 weeks ago, i met jacinth at the same bus stop when we were on our way for lunch. haha. well, today's disciple, for me, was a rather lathargic session. felt really sleepy throughout the whole session. even during the video, my eyes were on the screen and my ears heard the decibels, but somehow, my brain was not functioning and at the end, i was only able to remember slight snippets of it. bleah. i gotta spend less late night man! its really affecting my concentration and memory power. its definitely not doing any justice to the rings under my eyes either.

well, anyway, i feel really rejuvanated after the sessions on sunday. (maybe its gotta do with the 2 hour nap i took in the afternoon) haven't felt like this since i went for the evangelistic event at tacs 3 years back. so i give thanks to the lord for He is good. His love endures forever. :)

Happy-Go-Lucky. You are a happy person and you
don't let your emotions get to you. You see
everything that's not in a positive light as
not worth messing with and deal with emotions
as they come. You are usually very happy and
probably experience many emotional highs. Enjoy
life.


How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

is the face that i see in the mirror
the one i want others to see
do i show the way that i walk in my life
the love that You given to me
my heart's desire is to be like You
and all that i do, all i am

do they see Jesus in me
do they recognise Your face
do i communicate Your love and Your grace
do i reflect who You are
in the way i choose to be
do they see Jesus, Jesus in me

its amazing that You'd ever use in me
but use me the way You will
help me to hold up a heart of compassion and grace
a heart that Your spirit fills
may i show forgiveness and mercy
the same way You've shown to me

do they see Jesus in me
do they recognise Your face
do i communicate Your love and Your grace
do i reflect who You are
in the way i choose to be
do they see Jesus in me

well i want to show all the world that You are
the reason i live and breathe
so You'll be the one that they see
when they see me

do they see Jesus in me
do they recognise Your face
do i communicate Your love and Your grace
do i reflect the way You are
in the way i choose to be
do they see Jesus in me

~joy williams~

went back to sn yesterday to collect my cert, pretty depressing ritual, but oh well...
well, actually, my main aim for going back yesterday was to visit my juniors. walking out of the school gates at about 6:30 on the first day of the school holidays with the hum of the clubs music floating out of the gym made me realise that gym is a darn crazy cca. i mean, how many cca are there that makes you train for 6 hours a minimum of 4 times a week during the priceless june hols? i remember reading this article in the newspaper bout a "packed" holiday schedule that entails 2 hours of make up lessons twice a week for 4 weeks. no time for personal pleasures, i quote. erm... hello!?!? i have no idea how i managed to keep myself afloat back then. haha. i do faintly recall quite a couple of emotional break downs though. but that's as normal as it gets. i love my life! i seriously do. :)

remember me this way

every now and then
you find a special friend
who never lets us down

who understands it all
reaches out each time you fall
you're the best friend that i've found

and i know that you can't stay
but a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay

i'll make a wish for you
hope it will come true
that life would just be kind
to such a gentle mind
if you lose your way
think back on yesterday
remember me this way
remember me this way

i don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me
where ever i may go

and i know that you'll be there
forever more a part of me
you're everywhere
i'll always care

i'll make a wish for you
hope it will come true
that life would just be kind
to such a gentle mind
if you lose your way
think back on yesterday
remember me this way
remember me this way

and i'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
i'll be standing by your side in all you do
and i will never leave
as long as you believe
you just believe

that i'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true
that life would just be kind
to such a gentle mind
if you lose your way
think back on yesterday
remember me this way
remember me this way

LionHeart 2003 was successfully held on the 7th of June at 7pm at the hwachong auditorium. it was a sell out man! was initially worried bout the tix sale cos there were lotsa groups pushing to sell their tix at the same time as ours-- rumours, soiree, string orch... by 7:10, all the tix, every single one, was sold out. felt super proud for the organising committee... their hard work really paid of. it really touched me to see all the talent time performers coming together in full strength, together with performers from other schools, for such a worthy cause. i can't help but feel ashame of myself for ever doubting that such a large scale charity event was possible and within reach of this really committed group of people who weren't afraid to dream. i'm not sure how much was raised, (possibly almost 10, 000?), but it sure felt good to be part of this event. to all those who came down to watch the show, thanks for your generous support. to ronglin, ryan, quanyao, perryn and qian yi, congratulations on a job well done. super proud of you guys!

people live on hope
HEROES live on COURAGE

WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm...quite consistent :) was a fox is tommy's quiz.

school's out and i'm looking forward to every bit of it like i do exams.

7 reasons why june hols 2003 sucks:
1) its only 3 weeks long
2) i have a thousand and one things i need to do and i don't know where to start
3) study, study and study somemore for block test. can somebody please remind me what "holiday" means? i can't find my dictionary in this mess
4) i have chinese lesson on my birthday
5) i have chinese lesson on the day of my class chalet, which happens to be on the same day as cel's birthday party. someone teach me how to apparate!
6) i have tonnes of holiday homework, projects and readings to do
7) theres lots of research work to be done during these 3 weeks for pw

and i thought spending 3/4 of my june hols in the st nicks gym was gross injustice.

this week's been an exceptionally tiring week for me. had audition for syf opening ceremony at acs barker on wednesday. been feeling jaded and totally drained out since then. seems that you only feel the tiredness of the preparation process after the actual event itself. guess i was too busy to notice it before then. the syf brought back a flood of memories. i don't know how to explain it. i guess its what you call bittersweet memories. the whole process of getting ready was familiar yet different. getting into my costume, getting into my make up and hairdo, getting into the mood of the dance. the last minute rush of events. the last minute touch up of our costume and props. the last minute silent prayer before the music begins. the psychology. the aniticipation. the relief when it was finally over. i just wished i was back on the gym mat making good what went wrong during the competition last year. competition's a really funny thing. it brings out the worse sentiments towards your opposition yet at the end of the competition sportmanship that was never actually there is being glorified. then some time down the road, you meet your opponents and you laugh and joke at the shared memories that you never shared. and you acquire new acquaintances in people that you could never, in your wildest dreams, have fathomed to be so before. its strange, but really sweet all the same.

i guess the flurry of activities this term has taken a toll on me. seems like i feel this way every june. i recall being in a similar situation last year and the year before. the news of having to come back for chinese lessons on those suspiciously coincidental dates was the spark this time. i was sitting at the farthest corner of the SBS bus reading my book and minding my own business when i felt the hint of a tear sqeeze past my eyelids. beside me, two women were having a friendly conversation that on any other day would have amused me more than anything else, this time, it really ticked me off instead. and it didn't help that i was still experiencing the blistering headache i had developed the day before, the day after syf. i felt stifled, almost clautrophobic, something highly unusual that i'll experience. i just felt really angry at myself, but for what, i do not know. i guess i was just saturated with pent up emotions that desperately needed an avenue to be released. after a nice warm shower, some of the tension had been washed away with the dirt of the day. i just sat down in front of the piano and played for about an hour. felt especially relieved after playing scriabin's etude in E flat minor and Beethoven's pathetique first movement. music always was my means of escape, be it stress from exams or just plain unhapiness about my life. that an a nice tub of extra nutty rocky road never fails to brighten my day. yep. feeling a whole lot better now than i was a few hours back. gonna nurse my headache now. good night.

if HE brings you to it, HE will bring you through it

amen to that. :)

Rolf:
you wait, little girl, on an empty stage
for fate to turn the light on
your life, little girl, is an empty page
that men will want to write on (to write on)
you are sixteen, going on seventeen,
baby its time to think
better beware, be canny and careful
baby, you're ont he brink
you are sixteen, going on seventeen
fellows will fall in line
eager young lads and roues and cads
will offer you food and wine
totally unprepared are you
to face a world of men
timid and shy and scared are you
of things beyond your ken
you need someone older and wiser
telling you what to do
i am seventeen going on eighteen
i'll take care of you

Liesl:
i am sixteen going on seventeen
i know that i'm naive
fellows i meet may tell me i'm sweet
and willingly i'll believe
i am sixteen, going on seventeen
innocent as a rose
bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies
what do i know of those
totally unprepared am i
to face a world of men
timid and shy and scared am i
of things beyond my ken
i need someone older and wiser
telling me what to do
you are seventeen, going on eighteen
i'll depend on you.

Maria:
a bell is no bell till you ring it
a song is no song till you sing it
and love in your heart wasn't put there to stay
love isn't love till you give it away

when you're sixteen, going on seventeen
waiting for life to start
somebody kind who touches yourmind
will suddenly touch your heart
when that happens, after it happens
nothing is quite the same
somehow you know you'll jump up and go
whenever he calls your name
fone are your old ideas of life
the old ideas grow dim
lo and behold your'se someone's wife
and you belong to him
you may think this kind of adventure never may come to you
darling sixteen going on seventeen,
wait a year or two

(i'll wait a year or two)

sixteen going on seventeen


i love being sixteen :)

i'm going to melbourne this december! woohoo... can hardly contain my excitement. can't wait to see mike and suelee again. huiqi and eliza are going too. think huiqi's going delirious bout the whole OASIS thing. she was grinning to herself throughout the whole chem lecture. haha. not that i'm any better though. so far, most of my applications for the various programmes have met with dead ends and i'm more than overjoyed to see that the weather is finally changing. good things have been flooding through the gates these past 2 weeks, almost too good to be true. i'm afraid that one day i'll wake up and find this all a dream. better not count my chickens before they hatch. just hope more good stuff will continue to come my way.
thank you God! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIMEI DEARIE!!!
i miss you so much! i'm fervently counting the hours till this saturday when the 3 of us shall be reunited once again! i love you so much! have a swinging seventeenth sistah! hope you like the present cel and i picked out for you! cheers!

looks like jc life is picking up. can't believe half a year has passed... meaning a quarter of my life is jc has just slipped through my fingers. its quite scary when you think about it, really. this week has been by far the most eventful week this term.
the s7s were sent down to toa payoh stadium on monday to cheer our netballers on. we're talking about a team of really great players here. we won ac by a mere margin to emerge the undisputed champion for the 7th consecutive year! kudus!
tuesday: went down to paragon for my dental appointment today. felt really weird wondering down orchard road at 11:00am in the morning. i'm a sucker at pon-ning lessons.
went back to st nicks on wednesday to sell LionHeart tix. sales were better than i expected. too bad the teachers have a retreat on that day. i miss st nicks so much. promenading through the school compound moved me beyond words. every corner i turn, i envision my life back then, doing duty at the canteen bridge, queing up for uncle mobeen's infamous teh tarik, studying in the family lounge, listening to the laughter of the primary kids as the play on the sister's bridge, walking by the peacock cage... and of course the gym. how can i ever forget the gym. toil is joy. the gym. pain and laughter in all its essence is engraved on every pillar of the gym, etched in every grain of wood on the floor, stricken in every stroke of paint on the murals, intertwined with every fibre in the mat. one can only appreciate the true value of a jewel after it is gone. the memories linger on forever, long after the days are done and gone. st nicks is more than a second home to me. it is a part of me.
thursday. met up with cel, char and cel's friend, abiel, to watch measure for measure, an RP performance at ulu pandan cc. intriguing plot. politics and sex. how apt that a depiction of life in shakespearen england is still prevalent today. some things never change, no matter how much you may will it to be. kudus to RP on a job well done.
double-champs for bball declared today's newspaper. well done hwa chong! :) kudus to you guys (and girls) too.
that brings me to the near end of the week. tmr's yet another busy day. practice for SYF will last from 8:30 to 5. the dance is almost near perfection now. its a beautiful dance. the props are so professionally done, if i do say so myself. perhaps its seeing that all our hard work is paying off that makes the experience so much more satisfactory.
time to get some shut-eye now.
au revoir.
:)

I am an imaginary number 1i I don't really exist _

what number are you?

this quiz by orsa

erm... whatever....

seafood heaven! that was dinner for me. fresh oysters, cereal batter coated prawns, butter crabs, steamed fish... absolutely delightful! top that off with the soft, amber glow of the candle, the cool breeze from the open sea, the rhythmic lapping of waves upon the shore, dotted city lights twinkling in the horizon, palm trees dancing in the breeze and a repertoire of my favourite songs playing in the background... sounds almost too picture perfect; almost too good to be true. but that's where i was. in paradise.

happy birthday, mom!

I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten


Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

sense
+antisense
+nonsense
+missense

= no sense

argh. hate the weather! its so humid! makes me so lathargic. not in the mood to study at the moment. for the past hour, i've been staring at my DNA notes with nucleotide sequences staring back at me. super unproductive. that's bad.
my sister's having a bbq today. they're still preparing the food in the kitchen downstairs. by right, i should be helping them out. but i have to study for my bio test. supposed to be studying, that is. oops. argh. i think i'm going crazy. keep hearing miss ong talking about how polyaromatic hydrocarbon, which is found in bbq-ed food, displaces some nucleotides in your DNA and mutating it. ignorance really is bliss. at this rate, everybody's going to have to eat vegetable planted in your own backyard what with all commotion about the chicken flu, mad cow disease, insecticide drenched greens, genetically modified whatevers... ok. i think i'm going a little of track. back to earth.
apart from studying my bio, or rather, staring at my bio notes, had a reallly great time in church crapping with my fellow agapians. hehe... with jaesson, benjamin, euclid and say yong around, you can expect the group to be anything but dull. jaesson was dressed up as keanu reeves today, black shades and all, despite the horrible weather. what a hoot! and typical of jaesson, he was rejected 5 times in the span of 2 hours (once by esther and 4 times by moi). haha...but what's new. really hope he gets the scholarship he wants. it'd be a pity if he can't read what he wants to. all the best jae!

2 more days to study for bio. dunno whether i'll be able to finish. anyway, we got back our SATS diagnostic today. scored a miserable 1310. bleah. that's the results you get when don't bring your calculator and you're too lazy to read the compre passages. wth.
the softball teams of hc and rj played out the finals on homeground today. we won the title for the girls but lost for the guys. quite sad. it was a close fight. and alot of the "outs" we got was because of air balls... a pity.
anyway, aimei and celene came down to hc to support today. went completely ballistic seeing them. hehz. miss them so much. saw calvin too. its been almost 2 years already...whao. still can't believe it actually happened. oh man...haha...
k...better get back to my bio notes now... can't slow down.

You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

who knows the depths of your heart?
who knows where it ends and where it all starts?
who knows just what's down there?
all you can be sure of is its gonna come up one day.
its coming up this way.

ain't no use denying
no use trying to set all the captives free
you can please God, you can please yourself
but please don't try to please everybody else.
they dun wanna be

and the scheme of things when you think about it
far and away is the best view of it
you just can't hide your heart away from it
so swallow your foolish pride
let the clouds get in your eyes

clouds by elmo

yay! finally gave my blog a new look. hehe...was suppose to do my bit of the research on the ancient civilisation of Egypt, but spent most of my time trying to figure out the colour codes for my template instead. opps ;P
anyway, had a really great day today. 7 of us went down to rj during maths lecture to sell tickets for Lionheart. the sales weren't that good, cos basically everyone was broke somehow or another. 10 bucks might be a tad hefty, but its for charity!!! all those who are reading this right now, please buy the tix!!!
anyway, the good thing bout today is that i managed to see all my dear friends at rj. cel, aimei, serene, zhimin, tiff, justin, lindy, joo leng, yoke pean, emilia, clara.... and the list goes on. man! miss them all soooo much! part of me wishes that i could be with them in rj, but then again, if i were, i'd never have been able to meet all you wonderful people from hwachong... my dear classmates, fac mates and dance mates. choosing to come to hc instead of being with my friends at rj was a painful decision, but one which i do not regret making. i remember at this time last year, edina told me something i will never forget. she reminded me to pray about it, that however things turn out, it is all in accordance to His perfect plan for me. sounds cheesy? well, not to me. i'm starting to see the light of things. initially, i felt really uneasy about putting rj as my first choice, and now i'm beginning to understand why. the reasons? i'll leave you to speculate. :)

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

am i?

today, i was reading a book on palmistry. its really amazing how the shape of your palm, the relative length of your fingers, the various contours on your palm and even the shape of your fingernails, can tell so much about your character. some people may think its hogwash, nothing but a load of hot air, with the sole purpose of misleading the gullible. but reading it with an open mind, you find that there really is truth within. i'm fascinated by how meticulous they are with the evaluation of your character with respect to your palm. all this must stand for something, given its long history that stretches way beyond recorded time. i'm not one who clings on to every single premonition that appears in my horoscope, but it really is interesting to put its accuracy to the test.

was in school from 7:30am to 9:30pm today. busy busy busy. but what's new. i feel drained now. anyway, today, someone i just got to know said that i had the st nicks look and the gym look. ??? what does a nicolite and a gymnast typically look like? i really have no idea. i mean, even if i'd gone to a different school, joined a different cca, i'd still look...well... ME. all these stuff are determined by ur genes, aint it? its not as if they've been altered by some mutant radiation that can only be found in the sn gym.
oh well, i'll take that as a compliment. i'm proud to be an sn gymnast, nonetheless.

on my way home today, i passed by IJ sec, which has presently been relocated along thomson road. seeing those girls in their blue pinafores and white blouses buttoned up to the collar made me all warm and fuzzy inside. watching them stroll out of the school compound in twos and threes, i couldn't help but try to imagine myself as one of them, pinafore and everything. it's been a month since and i've already missed wearing the ij uniform. i've worn it for 10 years and would gladly wear it with pride for the rest of my life if i could.
next door stands the slf building, looking as it did when i first entered it 9 years ago. indeed, i can still remember the marbled floor where we ate our fillet-o-fish, the orange tiled patio where we waited eagerly for our 5 minutes of fame, the softness of the cushioned seats in the auditorium, the dim amber lights under which i immersed myself in the world of enid blyton and her wishing chair... it was a magical night, filled with fantasies and dreams of hundreds of ij girls, all eager to carry on the work father barre so humbly founded.
indeed, twenty years down the road, i'm sure i'll still see myself, not as an ij(tp) girl, or a st nicks graduate, but as a true-blue convent girl, born and bred. the ij crest, to me, is more than just a badge attached to a blue piece of cloth. it holds a legacy that is more than 200 years old. the ideals of st nicholas pierre barre still resounds clearly in my head. truth. justice. freedom. love. God bless his soul.

"simple dans ma vertu. forte dans mon devoir"
always and forever.

i thought i did what's right
i thought i had the answers
i thought i'd chose the surest road
but that road brought me here

so i put up a fight
and told U how to help me
now just when i have given up
the truth is coming clear

U know better than i
U know the way
i've let go the need to know why
for U know better than i

if this has been a test
i cannot see the reason
but maybe knowing i don't know
is part of getting through

i try to do what's best
and faith has made it easy
to see the best that i can do
is put my trust in U

for U know better than i
U know the way
i've let go the need to know why
for U know better than i

i saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
i saw a bird and thought that i could follow
but it was U who taught that bird to fly
if i let U reach me, will you teach me?

for U know better than i
U know the way
i've let go the need to know why
i'll take what answers you supply

U know better than i

~Better Than I
by David Campbell and Jodi Benson

thanks weicheng, for sharing this song.

xiz is vice-pres of council!!! teehee... super happy for her. :) :) :)
met grace on the bus today. never dreamed that i could have such casual acquaitance with an rgs rhythmic gymnast, my nemesis for that matter. but those are just fond memories; merely stepping stones to bring me to where i am today. she's a really nice person. these past few years, i must admit that i've had a rather coloured view of people from certain schools, even though i knew and still believe that it is unfair to steorotype. its just that when you're in competition, your opponent seems to be the ugliest most corrigible things ever, and picking on their every action makes it easier to focus on beating them to the dust. i sound like a power-hungry dictator, i know. but all this comes packaged with competition. i failed, momentarily, to realise that our competitors are human too. in a competition, there are bound to be winners and losers. but this is not measured by scores or medals. its measured by the individual. for me, to be a winner means to be able to look back on all i've been through and say "yes. i gave my best, my all. i have emerged a better person than i was before. i have survived through the battle and have won the race." cliche as this may sound, it is truly what i feel. for at the end of the day, the medals are just narcissistic ornaments upon a shelf; its the memories that are worth the collecting. and yes, though i've openly vowed once before never to say these few simple words, i have to say it anyway. i love training! i guess i was wrong. i love training! all 4 hours of it! sn gym, graceful yet mighty, you guys are the greatest!!!

whew! had a really long and tiring day today. waitaminute...when's my day never long and tiring? come to think of it, i can count right off my fingers the number of days when i've felt bored. sometimes, i question my very existence. what is the meaning of life? is this how i want my life to be led? ten years down the road, will i look back and smile? or will i be angry at myself for letting my youth slip through my fingers? everyday is the same old routine. wake up. go to school. come back from school. shower. have dinner. study. sleep. and then the whole cycle just repeats itself over again. darn! i'm starting to sound like tsih ern. perhaps what she said precipitated this reverie. this isn't the first time that these thought have crossed my mind. somehow, my thought just got lost in the hustle and bustle of my life, until i accidentally stumble upon it again, like i have of recent. frankly, i can't imagine my life being anything else but this. ever since i entered secondary school, finding time for myself has been an uphill task, what with gym, the pm board, my school work, red house, piano, church etcetra... the list just goes on. when i entered jc, i thought to myself, perhaps i should take the back seat for awhile, concentrate on my school work, have time for my own personal pursuits. but no... we have to complete a hell lot of cip hours, plus the stupid PEARLS system which is as unfair as the secondary school cca pts system. maybe even worse! 2 years of jc is just too short to accomplish so many things! i find myself as disorientated as i was the first day i stepped into st nix. starting out all over again from the foot of the hill is a daunting task. having a timetable that ends at 5 everyday doesn't help an iota. this brings me back to square one. what is my goal in life? it'd be so much easier if i had something i could work towards.
life is an aimless journey. you walk on, never knowing where you'll meet a crossroad, never knowing if you'll ever meet someone who'll stay by yourside the entire journey, never knowing when it'll ever end. well, but that's life. and i am but a clueless, mapless wanderer

hellooo world! finally got myself a blog. not sure how this thing works though, but i'll figure it out. don't think i'll be able to post entries as often as i would like to, but hopefully this blog will instill in me discipline of sorts.
i have to admit that i wasn't very keen about getting a blog initially. felt uncomfortable displaying my thoughts for everyone to read, especially to people i don't know, who stumble upon this page while mindlessly clicking on links from another person's page (which was what i have been doing since the SARS break). to these people, hope you'll just spend some time signing my guestbook (when i do set it up, that is). i'd like to get to know you too! :)
yep. well, so much for my very first entry. still have yet to fine tune lot of stuff, so bear with me for now ya...