happy cny everyone!

cny's pretty dull this year. seems like it gets progressively less exciting each year. nevertheless, time spent with my cousins more than makes up for the lack of festivities. was never especially close to any of my cousins cos those with whome i spend most time with are guys and basically we don't have very much in common. but then again, there are 8 of us abt the same age and when you add in the 7 lil monkeys in primary school and below, there's never a quiet moment in the quek family. love my cousins loads!

too bad i didn't get to go back to tangkak to visit the other half of my relatives. its a whole different type of fun. cards, mahjong and alot more talking. and of course there's my baby nieces that i sadly was not able to see. to rub salt to the wound, celebrations in this little town was especially extravagant this year, with the main street lighting up like chinatown in all its authenticity, wooden shop houses and even fire crackers and fire works, so i've been told. argh. wish i could have been where all the fun was at.

anyway, SATs are finally over. what a relief. was at smu this morning and decided to pay a visit to the gymnasium. i miss gym sooo much. was watching sherry from rj, sarah, gladys, stacey and the twins train and i just felt like going down to the mats and just jump around a little. also met the twin's parents and learnt that they've gone to rgs. needless to say, my first reaction was one of indignation. but then, something occurred to me and i was overcome with guilt and to a certain extent, shame. not comfortable sharing the details here so i'll just stop here. darn i felt really bad.

my day started really horribly today. thank goodness it got progressively better. couldn't have gotten any worse anyway. still, was quite dampened. good thing i have great classmates and juniors and a really interesting angel and mortal to brighten my day. hehehz.

had a browse through Inspirations 2003 today. gotta say that i'm really impressed, and jealous too that it wasn't an annual thing when i was in SN. really creative and simply beautiful. was especially absorbed in yong hui's expository essay on education. great language and quotations. really impressed. easily puts me to shame. haha. seriously. she's one talented gal. great job!

78 has been displaced from our cosy little corner of hcjc. darn. really liked it there with all the tables and all the space. was like our own little haven away from the noise and the crowd. on the other hand, its a return to civilisation after years of isolation from the rest of the class benches. haha. oh well. the sl and cafe better be worth us giving up our he(2) shan(1). gonna miss the place and 77 and all those memories. sigh.

cny's round the corner. yay. love visiting pple and just spending time with my relatives and friends. too bad this year i won't be joining the fun at tangkak with my maternal relatives. stuck in singapore this year cos i've got SATs on chu(1) san(1). wth. was really looking forward to playing with my beautiful baby nieces. dunno when i'll get to see them again. SATs, be gone!!

one week of school has gone by and though i'm almost adjusted once again to the speed of this conveyor belt, i just can't get rid of this nagging feeling of insecurity that threatens to drag me down into sporadic bouts of depression. not that i'm specifically unhappy about something. at least, i don't think so.

thanks shung for that really meaningful worship session today. perhaps i've lost sight of the shore for a while and have been blindly travelling in the wrong direction those weeks i couldn't make it to church or for disciple. but after today's session, i'm reminded once again of the comsuming, omnipresent love the Big Guy has for me. And even though i stray from the flock ever so often towards material pursuits, He specially goes out to look for this hopelessly lost child and brings me back. And then He celebrates the return of this lost child who shouldn't have succumbed to human temptation in the first place. Amazing love, how can it be, that You my king would die for me? Amazing love, i know its true. And its my joy to honour You. In all i do, i honour You.

Its been an amazing 3 years with Agape. I'm gonna miss the company of all you guys! Eugenia, Huey-Chyi, Say Yong, Timothy, Kong Jin, Jaesson, Terri, Ben, Jenghis, Eugene, Euclid, Nat, James, Jocelyn, Bu Bin, Bu Wei, Aaron, Justin... think that's all of us. Hmm... wonder how those pple who have left us are doing. Sigh. YM's gonna be different with the reshuffling. Yep. Its definitely neccessary, but i'm really gonna miss all the crap we shared. hehz. Love you guys always! AGAPE ROX!! ;P

feels weird being J2. i never did quite fit into the shoes of being in secondary school in the first place and look at me now, a senior in junior college with only a year more before entering uni. its so adult, a word so familiar yet so vague and distant. i remember a time not so long ago, when staying up past 12 was a luxury left only for the eve of a special day. i remember vividly the last night i was 12. the elation of finally owning a disc man, and, at the same time, the nostalgia of my childhood that was ticking away. the reason for my sadness was not just the robbing of the privileges and concessions that comes with being a "child-under-12", but the symbolic loss of innocence, or rather the eligibility for feigning it. then again, i lavish upon the freedom being a teenager entitles, but stumble then and again under the heavy responsibilities and expectations. very soon i'm gonna be out of my comfort zone and the road ahead is a blur of choices. i look forward to the future with bated excitement and nervous anticipation.

my grown-up christmas list
do you remember me?
i sat upon your knee
i wrote to you with childhood fantasies
well i'm all grown-up now
can you still help somehow?
i'm not a child but my heart still believes
so here's my life-long wish
my grown-up christmas list
not for myself but for a world in need

no more lives torn apart
and wars will never start
and time will heal our hearts
every man will have a friend
and right will always win
and love will never end
this is my grown-up christmas list

what is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
maybe only if the blind believe can we ever find the truth

there'd be no more lives torn apart
and wars will never start
and time will heal our heart
every man will have a friend
and right will always win
and love will never end
this is my grown-up christmas list
this is my only life-long wish
this is my grown-up christmas list

	Cheer Bear You're the Care Bear cheerleader! Your spunky personality and optimisim lifts everyone's spirit. Though you want everyone to be happy, you stand your ground on issues you feel strongly about and this can bring disunity among your friends. Despite this, you are a true believer in working together.
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