was at the hc choir concert, jubilation! voices in flight, this evening. it was simply spectacular. the dancers were bee-e-a-eutiful too! especially liked their selection of songs. although i couldn't understand half of the things they are singing, their powerful voices were sufficient to render me utterly mesmerised. it brought back alot of memories of my childhood too, with their rendition of a nursery rhyme, sing a song of six pence, a folk song which my parents used to sing to me when i was little, burong kakat tua and windy nights, one of my favourite bedtime poems way back then. really glad khai qing had that extra ticket to sell. thoroughly enjoyed myself. :)

windy nights
by robert louis stevenson

whenever the moon and stars are set
whenever the wind is high
all night long in the dark and wet
a man goes riding by
late in the night when the fires are out
why does he gallop and gallop about?

whenever the trees are crying aloud
and ships are tossed at sea
by on the highway low and loud
by on the gallop goes he
by on the gallop he goes and then
by he comes back on the gallop again.

Another lovely song from the teenage textbook movie soundtrack.

When things seem so wrong
by John Klass

when you're in doubt
trying to keep all things out
the tears you hide
you only cry inside

things happen for a reason
it isn't easy to accept
you think all hope is gone
but it really hasn't left

when things seem so wrong
(things seem so wrong)
you've got to hang on
(just hang on)
just pick up the pieces
look right ahead
don't give up cos its there
(maybe you'll find)
things aren't so wrong

troubles will come and go
but the memories will last
if you stay right on hurting
time will still fly

when things seem so wrong
(things seem so wrong)
you've got to hang on
(just hang on)
just pick up the pieces
look right ahead
don't give up cos its there
(maybe you'll find)
things aren't so wrong

absolutely love the soundtrack from the teenage textbook. its pretty old but definitely evergreen. the book's really funny too. crappy and sappy but really funny. mebbe i'm biased towards the movie cos it was filmed in st nicks. anyhow, here's lyrics to one of the songs in the soundtrack... whatever i can make out from the cd, that is...

no more tears
by beverly

isn't it amazing
how seventeen can be
isn't it so exciting
just like romance's novel scene

colourful pictures on the wall
always waiting for the telephone call
a cry in the dark
a broken heart
a first-time kiss
i've seen it all

i'm finally leaving
nothing left to fear
its so worth believing
i see it all so clear
its more than a disc or books
it goes on and on and on and on, oh yeah
this time i'm finally giving
no more tears

isn't just a wonder
how life sometimes turns out
wouldn't it be so perfect
if all things came without doubt

colourful pictures on the wall
always waiting for the telephone call
a cry in the dark
a broken heart
a first-time kiss
i've seen it all

i'm finally leaving
nothing left to fear
its so worth believing
i see it all so clear
this time i'm giving
everything i've got
wanna believe in myself
its more than a disc or books
it goes on and on and on and on, oh yeah
this time i'm finally giving
no more tears

no more tears
no more tears
gonna give all that i've got
gonna live each day as it comes
wanna be what i want
no more tears

ok. i know i haven't been here in a loong time cos the blogger interface has changed considerably. its an improvement i guess. someone once said that the production of anything new has to be a better and improved version of the previous. it has to be given the competitive market. the person who said this was referring to a handphone, by the way.

anyway, today was the last lesson of the disciple 1 bible study programme. rather sad that one whole year of sunday afternoons have gone by so quickly. the whole idea of flipping thru the blue manual every night, cramming into winston's bedroom or in my living room, sipping yeo's crysanthemum and even the song from the video, the old lady with the huge plastic glasses, the guy in the soup kitchen, not forgetting zan holmes... the whole works kinda grows on you after a while. i'm really gonna miss it. that dun mean that i'm gonna take on disciple 2 anytime soon. no-sir-ree... anyhow, i'd hafta wait a whole year before i can join disciple 2. abner, ben, nick, damein and joel thanks loads for an amazing 34 week journey. we made it! haha. yep yep. and kudus to winston and serene (aka bostress aaka miss teh) for being the most patient and understanding facilitators. truth be told, it was quite fun being the only girl in the group, apart from those weeks serene was there too. haha. yeh. deborah rocks! lol. and the one most important lesson i learnt from this whole thing? God is good. seriously. He's shown us, shown me, so much thru this. way too much to be on this public block, and besides, its not something that can be accurately described cos you'll hafta feel it yourself to be able to understand and acknowledge its worth. so all you pple out there who are considering taking up this course, sure, its a sacrifice of 2 hours each week plus bout half an hour ++ each nite of diligent qt, but with God, all things are possible.

Lord, put me on whatever task You will; rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing; put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You, or laid aside for You, exalted for You, or trodden under foot for You.
Let me be full; let me be empty.
Let me have all things; let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily resign all to Your pleasure and disposal.
~John Wesley

i did it again. i don't know how, but i did it again. i wish i had some form of control over things but i know i don't. what i do know for sure is that all things work for the good of His kingdom. and i know too, that i am never, and never will be, alone.

when i get excited over something that is to come, i start imagining and dreaming and scenes just start playing in my mind and i get such a wonderful picture of what i envision would happen. but then, when the highly anticipated moment finally arrives, i find myself suddenly at a loss and no amount of preparation and mental rehearsals seems sufficient. that feeling totally sux. i feel so helpless sometimes.

"... i barely know you and i understood not a word you said to me. but i am flattered. embarrassed but flattered and honoured nonetheless. and despite it all, since i am compelled to give you an answer before the night is through, to do justice to your sincerity and spontaneity, my answer is yes... thank you for so much more than an unforgettable experience. God bless you.

and i answer, "in my middle."

what is your question?"

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
If you smile through your fears and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile

if only it was that easy. not trying to be cynical or anything, but its gonna take more than a smile for all the clouds to clear. sometimes i feel like a tree in a city of dogs. sigh. anyhow, its a really nice song from my girl 2. and yeh, we all need to smile a little sometimes, no matter how bad life stinks, cos there ain't no use feeling miserable about yourself and there ain't no point wallowing in self-pity either. so you either cry alone or smile for the world. saves alot of hassle that way.

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Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you?


Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?

ntu-jc challenge was concluded today. we actually won 2 prizes! best poster and most innovative in the defence science category. amazing. not particularly ecstatic right now. probably still stunned from the unexpected win. anyway, well done guys! kinda feel sad yet relieved that its over. nevertheless, thanks for a really exciting and enriching experience!

anyway, happy valentine's day!

do i love you because you're beautiful
or are you beautiful because i love you?
do i want you because you're wonderful
or are you wonderful because i want you?
~Rodger and Hammerstein's Cinderella

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy
I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Anywhere the wind blows
Doesn't really matter to me

-Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

not only is life a bitch, it has puppies!! zhiqi, how right you are.

couldn't go with my family to pulau penang this weekend cos i had to perform for some alumni cny celebrations in school. the performance, was, well, far from good. hope none of the audience will remember it in time to come.

sad enough that i couldn't join my family and my other relatives having fun spending the weekend staying in kei-longs, i got locked out of my house! yes! i got stuck outside my house looking like some burglar scouting for loopholes to get into the house. thought of climbing to the second level to get into my study room but didn't want to arouse the suspicions of my not-so-friendly neighbour, or risk falling onto the spikes they'd erected on the wall separating our backyard. darn set of keys i'd been given was incomplete for both front AND back doors! how coincidental is that that both keys to the metal gates were there, but both wooden door keys were missing. bleah. in the end, had to skip disciple cos i couldn't get my stuff out of my room. had to go all the way to paya lebar mrt in my make up and hair to get the complete set of keys from my maid who was celebrating hari raya. guess its just one of those days when i wish i hadn't gotten out of bed at all, not that i wanted to in the first place.

a fine cny this is turning out to be.

happy cny everyone!

cny's pretty dull this year. seems like it gets progressively less exciting each year. nevertheless, time spent with my cousins more than makes up for the lack of festivities. was never especially close to any of my cousins cos those with whome i spend most time with are guys and basically we don't have very much in common. but then again, there are 8 of us abt the same age and when you add in the 7 lil monkeys in primary school and below, there's never a quiet moment in the quek family. love my cousins loads!

too bad i didn't get to go back to tangkak to visit the other half of my relatives. its a whole different type of fun. cards, mahjong and alot more talking. and of course there's my baby nieces that i sadly was not able to see. to rub salt to the wound, celebrations in this little town was especially extravagant this year, with the main street lighting up like chinatown in all its authenticity, wooden shop houses and even fire crackers and fire works, so i've been told. argh. wish i could have been where all the fun was at.

anyway, SATs are finally over. what a relief. was at smu this morning and decided to pay a visit to the gymnasium. i miss gym sooo much. was watching sherry from rj, sarah, gladys, stacey and the twins train and i just felt like going down to the mats and just jump around a little. also met the twin's parents and learnt that they've gone to rgs. needless to say, my first reaction was one of indignation. but then, something occurred to me and i was overcome with guilt and to a certain extent, shame. not comfortable sharing the details here so i'll just stop here. darn i felt really bad.

my day started really horribly today. thank goodness it got progressively better. couldn't have gotten any worse anyway. still, was quite dampened. good thing i have great classmates and juniors and a really interesting angel and mortal to brighten my day. hehehz.

had a browse through Inspirations 2003 today. gotta say that i'm really impressed, and jealous too that it wasn't an annual thing when i was in SN. really creative and simply beautiful. was especially absorbed in yong hui's expository essay on education. great language and quotations. really impressed. easily puts me to shame. haha. seriously. she's one talented gal. great job!

78 has been displaced from our cosy little corner of hcjc. darn. really liked it there with all the tables and all the space. was like our own little haven away from the noise and the crowd. on the other hand, its a return to civilisation after years of isolation from the rest of the class benches. haha. oh well. the sl and cafe better be worth us giving up our he(2) shan(1). gonna miss the place and 77 and all those memories. sigh.

cny's round the corner. yay. love visiting pple and just spending time with my relatives and friends. too bad this year i won't be joining the fun at tangkak with my maternal relatives. stuck in singapore this year cos i've got SATs on chu(1) san(1). wth. was really looking forward to playing with my beautiful baby nieces. dunno when i'll get to see them again. SATs, be gone!!

one week of school has gone by and though i'm almost adjusted once again to the speed of this conveyor belt, i just can't get rid of this nagging feeling of insecurity that threatens to drag me down into sporadic bouts of depression. not that i'm specifically unhappy about something. at least, i don't think so.

thanks shung for that really meaningful worship session today. perhaps i've lost sight of the shore for a while and have been blindly travelling in the wrong direction those weeks i couldn't make it to church or for disciple. but after today's session, i'm reminded once again of the comsuming, omnipresent love the Big Guy has for me. And even though i stray from the flock ever so often towards material pursuits, He specially goes out to look for this hopelessly lost child and brings me back. And then He celebrates the return of this lost child who shouldn't have succumbed to human temptation in the first place. Amazing love, how can it be, that You my king would die for me? Amazing love, i know its true. And its my joy to honour You. In all i do, i honour You.

Its been an amazing 3 years with Agape. I'm gonna miss the company of all you guys! Eugenia, Huey-Chyi, Say Yong, Timothy, Kong Jin, Jaesson, Terri, Ben, Jenghis, Eugene, Euclid, Nat, James, Jocelyn, Bu Bin, Bu Wei, Aaron, Justin... think that's all of us. Hmm... wonder how those pple who have left us are doing. Sigh. YM's gonna be different with the reshuffling. Yep. Its definitely neccessary, but i'm really gonna miss all the crap we shared. hehz. Love you guys always! AGAPE ROX!! ;P

feels weird being J2. i never did quite fit into the shoes of being in secondary school in the first place and look at me now, a senior in junior college with only a year more before entering uni. its so adult, a word so familiar yet so vague and distant. i remember a time not so long ago, when staying up past 12 was a luxury left only for the eve of a special day. i remember vividly the last night i was 12. the elation of finally owning a disc man, and, at the same time, the nostalgia of my childhood that was ticking away. the reason for my sadness was not just the robbing of the privileges and concessions that comes with being a "child-under-12", but the symbolic loss of innocence, or rather the eligibility for feigning it. then again, i lavish upon the freedom being a teenager entitles, but stumble then and again under the heavy responsibilities and expectations. very soon i'm gonna be out of my comfort zone and the road ahead is a blur of choices. i look forward to the future with bated excitement and nervous anticipation.

my grown-up christmas list
do you remember me?
i sat upon your knee
i wrote to you with childhood fantasies
well i'm all grown-up now
can you still help somehow?
i'm not a child but my heart still believes
so here's my life-long wish
my grown-up christmas list
not for myself but for a world in need

no more lives torn apart
and wars will never start
and time will heal our hearts
every man will have a friend
and right will always win
and love will never end
this is my grown-up christmas list

what is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
maybe only if the blind believe can we ever find the truth

there'd be no more lives torn apart
and wars will never start
and time will heal our heart
every man will have a friend
and right will always win
and love will never end
this is my grown-up christmas list
this is my only life-long wish
this is my grown-up christmas list

	Cheer Bear You're the Care Bear cheerleader! Your spunky personality and optimisim lifts everyone's spirit. Though you want everyone to be happy, you stand your ground on issues you feel strongly about and this can bring disunity among your friends. Despite this, you are a true believer in working together.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!